I'm sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I've been trying to spend every minute I can with Alice.
Right now I'm on the horns of a dilemma. For two weeks, nursing was going amazing. She was gaining weight like a champ, I had plenty of milk, etc. Unfortunately, nobody had told me that I needed to pump out whatever she wasn't eating... so, I developed a horrible case of mastitis last weekend. Chills, fever of 102, aches, redness, swelling, etc. I had to make several trips to Urgent Care, but saw my OB on Monday - he put me on a new drug, and also on something to try and increase my milk production. This is necessary because Alice went from 8 lbs on Friday (before mastitis set in) to 7 lbs 12.5 oz on Monday (after it was in swing). Her pediatrician started us supplementing with formula.
The Reg.lan alone isn't working to increase production, so we're doing the Lactation Consultant Services thing at the hospital. She has me feeding Alice on the non-affected breast every two to three hours. Then, I need to pump the right breast (at least through tomorrow). Then, I have to supplement her with either formula or expressed milk. On a schedule of every two to three hours, this process takes up at least an hour (especially when you throw in cleaning pump parts and bottles, etc.).
I so want to breastfeed. I want to go back to how I was last week when I had plenty of milk, and could just nurse my baby and go. I want to have that closeness with her looking in my eyes, and me singing to her as she eats. Right now, it doesn't feel like the process we're doing is working, and I'm not a very patient person. I am just at a loss as to what to do - I want to give my baby the best, but I am working on absolutely no sleep, and am just frazzled. I don't want to go to formula, but what is the best solution? Do I just keep doing this short-term, and try and figure it out?
That was horrible - I hope it doesn't sound at all like I'm not 100% grateful for her. I just want to do the best for this little miracle - I love to hold her and spend time with her, and this all is cutting into that. (And I only have four more weeks of maternity leave left.) I just want to do what is best for this little girl who is so wanted and loved, and to be able to give her as much of my attention and affection as I can. Any advice from anyone would be awesome.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
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16 comments:
I can sooooo feel your pain on this. I was very much in the same boat, however my issue was due to breast reduction surgery. It caused low supply and flat nipples, and so in order to build supply and get baby girl latching effectively, I was breastfeed, supplement, pump- every 3 hours... it was HELL!! And so, I gave up.
I still get to look my daughter in the eyes, and sing to her, and hold her and kiss her and she still looks at me like I am the be-all and end-all to her world. She still prefers mama to anyone else. There are still moments when I wish I hadn't given up, but overall, I'm much more relaxed, rested, and have no regrets whatsoever that I am feeding her formula. And here's a secret: my husband and oldest daughter are actually HAPPIER that we decided to formula-feed, because it gives them the opportunity to participate in that particular chore.
No matter what you decide, what works for you and Alice is the best decision you can make. And feel no shame if that decision isn't necessarily the decision that others would have made. Best of luck!! Take care!
This is just what i needed to hear, PMM. I hate being inadequate, but it is where I am, and i hate it. I helps so much to hear from someone who's been there . thank you so much .
I don't have advice from experience or anything like that, but I just wanted to give you an e-hug!
thank you, sweetie!
My little girl never really latched so I did the pumping route but that made me depressed and unhappy and feeling really overwhelmed whenever I pumped. I was not happy and cleaning all those parts every single time left me little time to spend with my girl. I was much happier when I stopped pumping and Kathleen is doing so well on her formula. When I feed her bottle I can still kiss her and talk with her and we enjoy bottle time together. It also give my hubby and my family a chance to take part in the feeding process as well. I am glad for my decision I am so much more happier and my doctor agreed with me. It is your personal decision but never feel bad about giving her formula or feel inadequate. We are all good Mommies no matter how we feed our babies and our love for our babies is the most important. Sending you big hugs and know that whatever decision you make will be the right one for you and your daugher. You are a wonderful Mommie to your sweet little girl!
Oh lady! It doesn't sound awful at all! It sounds like a very real dilemma!
All I can say is that only you know what's best for Alice, and if what's best is for her to have a mama who is feeling content and strong - then do what you've got to do to make that hpapen!
I don't have any great words of wisdom, but I am thinking of you. *huge hugs*
I want you to know that whatever happens, you will do the right thing. They are only small for a short time! So if you are unhappy with the pumping or frustrated with breastfeeding, you shouldn't feel guilty about switching to formula. That's why it exists!
Do whatever you need to keep all of you happy. It's better to get a bottle from a smiling mommy than to struggle with the boob and have all of you upset! xo
I am so grateful to you all for the words, wisdom, and love. This is tougher than I imagined, but I know I didn't do anything wrong to get the mastitis.
remember: however you feed her, she is being loved. it broke my heart when i had to give up breastfeeding, but i still can cuddle while we feed and snuggle them afterwards, and that makes all the difference. they are plump and happy.
You can always try going to a La Leche meeting and asking there. At the ones I go to, there is at least one woman who has dealt with just about every nursing problem. If nothing else, it ends up being a bunch of nice people who can make you feel better.
I wish I had advice but I can only say that I think you should seek out someone who really cares about breastfeeding to help.
I hope the breastfeeding works out for you and even if it doesn't she will still be your very wanted daughter and you will still be her loving mom :)
Do NOT feel like you are inadequate!!!! You are not! 10% of women (or more) cannot produce enough milk for their babies. I was one of them. I tried and tried and tried to breastfeed my daughter. I was ADAMANT about breastfeeding. My daughter lost 1.5 pounds and was screaming in hunger. I finally told them I was going to feed her some formula. The lactation consultant was HORRID to me. She said I was giving up on my daughter. Well, guess what? I am a mom, and I want my daughter to be fed and happy, no matter how that has to happen. I felt like a failure, but I have realized since then that sometimes even our very best intentions don't work . . .not just w/breastfeeding, but lots of parenting ideas we once had (pre-children). We do the best we can and sometimes have to improvise.
So . . .I pumped. When I pumped, I never made enough to feed her on breastmilk alone. I had to supplement with formula. In order to try to increase my milk supply, I was hooking myself up to a hospital grade pump every 2 hours. I had to feed Amelie every 2-3 hours, so I was pumping, washing and sterilizing all the parts, feeding her, burping her, putting her back to sleep, washing and sterlizing her bottles, then hooking myself up to the machines again. It was constant. My husband had to seriously convince me to sleep for 4 hours one night because I was having hallucinations. That's how tired I was. After 6 weeks of this, I gave up. I was crying every day. I felt like I never got to just BE with my baby. From then on, I was a happy mama and my baby was a happy girl.
Whatever you decide is best for you and your baby . . .only you know what that is, and you will be right, whichever way you go. :)
(I forgot to say that she would no longer latch on . . .she associated my breast with pain and frustration and hunger, so she stopped latching and refused to. My doctor said I could keep trying, and I did, but she just never wanted to latch on. That's why I had to pump.)
Oh, Amy, that sounds like what we are doing now. It is so much work. Thank you for sharing, guys, it makes me feel less alone.
Oh, Angie...I have no idea what it's like to go from being able to breastfeed to not being able to breastfeed. I was never able to do it due to hormone problems (I never developed a left breast and the right one never got milk). But, I can tell you that my kids love me as much as I think they could, regardless of being fed from a bottle.
hang in there...I wish I had some advice, but unfortunately, I don't.
((HUGS))
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