Happy Thanksgiving

It's amazing what a difference a year makes.  At this time last year, we'd just performed our FET and were barely-barely-barely pregnant with Miss Alice.  We'd just passed Maddie's due date (November 14), and were trying to reconcile the two.  Today, our wonderful little family is at home, snuggled together in love and happiness.

I know this sounds weird, but it's days like today that I'm so glad that we had Maddie cremated.  She is with us today, she's a part of our holiday.  As I do every day, I can look at her and talk to her, cry over her.  I can hold her close to me, and feel her weight.  I am so grateful for that, and for her touching our lives still every single day.

Well, that's certainly a cheerful thought...  Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.  I hope that your holidays are filled with family and love, remembrance and hope.

Our Angel

So, I bought some angel wings for Alice on Etsy.  I had originally planned using them at her 1-year portraits, but then realized they'd be great for Christmas cards.  I tried taking the photos on my own, but that didn't go so well.  Since there was such a time crunch, I walked into a local studio... Follow the link below for the results.

Please try and tell me this isn't the cutest baby on Earth.  :)

http://www.myonlineportraits.com/ViewSharedAlbum.aspx?ShareID=e0fbf15b-7778-491d-9ab4-f8680db591e9

Happy 4-month birthday yesterday, baby girl!

All of this fuss over some crying

I made the mistake of joking on Facebook a week or so ago that A was being a butthole at bedtime. Apparently, that comment opened the floodgates for everyone and their dog to give me advice on how to get her to sleep better. The most common thing that I’ve heard is “just let her cry it out,” “she’ll eventually cry it out.”


I don’t judge anyone who uses the CIO method; it has worked for hundreds of thousands of households, but it will not be used in ours. I have a lot of different reasons behind this.

First of all, what is “it” that she’s crying out? As far as I can tell, “it” is her trust that we’ll be there for her when she needs us. I really don’t want her crying that in particular out. We went to the most drastic methods possible to even get pregnant with her, and incredibly drastic methods to stay pregnant, so I’m certainly not going to just decide to change now. If I had wanted convenience, I wouldn’t have had a child.

So, I hear different responses. “Oh, that’s right, you do Attachment Parenting.” [Insert eye roll or similar here.] Yes, I do, but this actually doesn’t have to do with being AP (although there is little besides spanking that is more opposed to this style of parenting). “Oh, you’re just overcompensating for losing Maddie.” While losing Maddie certainly strengthened my resolve, I was against CIO for our household before then.

If I want to put this in simplest terms, look at our beliefs in how humanity was formed. If you’re Christian – I find it hard to believe that Jesus would ever leave a baby unattended to sob him or herself to sleep. If you believe in evolution – our species certainly wouldn’t have progressed very far if a small child were left in another room of a cave to cry, alerting all predators to its whereabouts. Cortisol levels in the brain raise when a child is left to cry, which can lead to long-term damage. None of these things lead me to believe that CIO is right for my child.

In the end, it’s just not up for discussion. My husband and I are on the same page, and I have informed my daycare provider and everyone else who may take care of her long-term of my desires. That’s kind of the end of the story. I appreciate and understand that sometimes people are trying to help, but the ones who are judging me… they can suck it. :-)

Perspectives

I try to be a positive person, but I'm also a worrier... which makes for an interesting mix.  However, so much of life is just in perspective.

I could absolutely focus on the negative things in my past.  My biological dad revealed himself to be abusive and addicted to drugs after he married my mom.  He was later in a fire, and sustained some serious brain damage as part of it (he is in a group program now).  I had cancer twice (once as a child, and once at age 22), and eating issues after each bout (not the greatest combination with radiation).  My mother and I are estranged.  I had severe fertility issues, which led to us needing IVF to conceive... at which time the unthinkable happened, and I lost my precious baby girl.  I could let these things and others define me, and could wallow in them.

However, I know that there are many, many others who have had much harder lives than I have.  God gave me an amazing husband who loves me.  I have a wonderful home, and am always safe and fed.  My stepfather is one of the most supportive people on Earth.  I have a job at which I am very good, I have friends who mean the world to me.  I have the most amazing, beautiful daughter on Earth sleeping in my arms, and another waiting for me in Heaven.  I have love and hope.  Not too shabby, hunh? 

One Year Ago Today...

One year ago today, this happened:

A beautiful little Alice embryo was implanted!  She burrowed in nice and tight, and changed our lives for forever.

Happy thaw-and-transfer day, Allie Kat!

Ew

My company VP just walked in on me pumping. Awesome.

That is all.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.2