When I was I-don't-remember-how-old-but-way-too-young, maybe fifth grade, I started needing a bra. Not, like, "That is probably smart whenever we get around to it," but more like, "Dang, that kid has some boobs!"
For the longest time, I was mortified of the twins. I made my mom buy me my bras, I crossed my arms over my chest, you know the drill. Anything a 5'2", 110 lb girl with a D cup would do in high school to keep them hidden.
As I got older, I started to get more used to them. I bought them nice, pretty bras, named them (Hall and Oates). On occasion, they would do things in return for me - get guys to buy me drinks, etc. I still kind of saw them as a nuisance that was hard to dress around, however.
It sometimes feels like the last 13.5 months of my life have centered around my chesticles. It is more accurate that it has had to do with Alice's need to regularly drain them of nourishment, but it would shock you how many times a day my breasts come into my brain.
Anyway. Nursing is still going strong, despite a record-breaking number of setbacks (that is its own blog). It is a lot like wrestling an angry badger sometimes, but I do love the closeness with my girl.
Showing posts with label Alice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Alice. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
A Funk
I haven't been able to post much lately. I have been in a funk.
Alice's birthday went great, lots of friends came. The next week, she came down with croup. A few days later, a staph infection (about which I had tried to get her in, but they put us off for almost a week until it got bad), and then... Pickle broke her arm. I feel like a total failure, even though the orthopedist explained we couldn't have prevented it, and it is common for super-active babies. It is a buckle fracture, caused by falling. Which toddlers do. But my baby barely got to a year before we broke her! I know I couldn't do anything besides wrap her in bubble wrap... But I wanted to protect her from any pain ever. I pray daily that she has a long, healthy, happy life that is free from pain or want, and I wish she wasn't hurt.
I usually try and stuff my deep feelings about Maddie down where they don't hurt so much, but they have come out in great gasping sobs a few times lately. That sounds overdramatic, but it is the best description I have. I call them "bad Maddie days" - I remember her, love her, talk to her every day, but it is just hard, and the funk... It doesn't help.
What a grim post. Gah.
Alice's birthday went great, lots of friends came. The next week, she came down with croup. A few days later, a staph infection (about which I had tried to get her in, but they put us off for almost a week until it got bad), and then... Pickle broke her arm. I feel like a total failure, even though the orthopedist explained we couldn't have prevented it, and it is common for super-active babies. It is a buckle fracture, caused by falling. Which toddlers do. But my baby barely got to a year before we broke her! I know I couldn't do anything besides wrap her in bubble wrap... But I wanted to protect her from any pain ever. I pray daily that she has a long, healthy, happy life that is free from pain or want, and I wish she wasn't hurt.
I usually try and stuff my deep feelings about Maddie down where they don't hurt so much, but they have come out in great gasping sobs a few times lately. That sounds overdramatic, but it is the best description I have. I call them "bad Maddie days" - I remember her, love her, talk to her every day, but it is just hard, and the funk... It doesn't help.
What a grim post. Gah.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
One year old!
Today is the Pickle's birthday! I can't believe it has been a whole year since I nervously held her for the first time, listened to her cry.
I have been so blessed to be able to nurse her for a year, and still going - not everyone gets that chance. I am proud of our choice to never make her cry herself to sleep. I have adored safely bedsharing with her since she was about six weeks old, and a plethora of other things.
Mostly I am so proud of the independent, confident, charismatic wonder she is. I am certain our parenting choices have helped this, but I think she is just an amazing little person. She is so happy and laid-back, despite my worrying. She is truly a miracle in every sense of the word.
Happy 1st birthday, Alice! <3
I have been so blessed to be able to nurse her for a year, and still going - not everyone gets that chance. I am proud of our choice to never make her cry herself to sleep. I have adored safely bedsharing with her since she was about six weeks old, and a plethora of other things.
Mostly I am so proud of the independent, confident, charismatic wonder she is. I am certain our parenting choices have helped this, but I think she is just an amazing little person. She is so happy and laid-back, despite my worrying. She is truly a miracle in every sense of the word.
Happy 1st birthday, Alice! <3
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Loveliness
I am unendingly amazed that we made this beautiful creature with thoughts and feelings and ENDLESS OPINIONS of her own. So beautiful.
"For this child I have prayed..." 1 Samuel 1:27
"For this child I have prayed..." 1 Samuel 1:27
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Monday, May 09, 2011
22 months...
This past Saturday marked 22 months since Maddie was born. I have thought of her so much lately, of those fleeting moments we had.
Part of me looks back on those few hours that I got to spend holding my baby, when I was still in shock and hadn't slept in almost 48 hours, when I wasn't truly able to take every second from the time that I wanted... and I think, "That was it? That's all I get?" I don't ever get another chance to hold her, to spend even more time with her. I don't get a do-over.
I cherish Alice in ways I can't speak with words. I try to parent her in the best way I can imagine, even when I fail... but I want that with Madeleine, too.
Of course there are the moments like her wedding, her graduation, all of those things that I wanted. But more than that, I want the small things. I want to put her hair in ponytails. I want to watch her little hand curl around mine in her sleep. I want to see her reach out for Mommy when she's sad, and to light up when she sees me come into the room. I treasure all of these things with Alice, but I want it all multiplied by two. I want, I want, I want.
I miss her.
Part of me looks back on those few hours that I got to spend holding my baby, when I was still in shock and hadn't slept in almost 48 hours, when I wasn't truly able to take every second from the time that I wanted... and I think, "That was it? That's all I get?" I don't ever get another chance to hold her, to spend even more time with her. I don't get a do-over.
I cherish Alice in ways I can't speak with words. I try to parent her in the best way I can imagine, even when I fail... but I want that with Madeleine, too.
Of course there are the moments like her wedding, her graduation, all of those things that I wanted. But more than that, I want the small things. I want to put her hair in ponytails. I want to watch her little hand curl around mine in her sleep. I want to see her reach out for Mommy when she's sad, and to light up when she sees me come into the room. I treasure all of these things with Alice, but I want it all multiplied by two. I want, I want, I want.
I miss her.
Thursday, May 05, 2011
Alice's 9-month photos
The Pickle is growing like a weed. The last few weeks she's learned how to pull herself up onto things... everything, to be more exact.
Our friend C took her 9-month photos last weekend. Here are some highlights:
Our friend C took her 9-month photos last weekend. Here are some highlights:
Duckface
My favorite:
Monday, April 25, 2011
9-month appointment
The Pickle turned 9 months old last Wednesday (4/20), so we had her nine-month appointment on Friday.
The stats:
Height: 28 inches (73%)
Weight: 20 lb 2 oz (82%0
Head: 19 in (off the charts still)
Alice first had to get her hep B booster - she is such a little toughy. She never actually cried, just squawked for four seconds (this is not an exaggeration), and then was done. We then had to take her to the lab to get her finger pricked for her iron test - again, she never cried, never even fussed. She DID give the lab tech a look of, "What the heck are you doing THAT for?!" Other than that, she was a tough little bird!
She is slightly anemic, so they're putting her on some iron supplements for the next month. We go back on May 20 to see if it's gotten better. Other than that, it was a blessing to read the phrases "happy, healthy, developmentally normal 9-month-old."
The stats:
Height: 28 inches (73%)
Weight: 20 lb 2 oz (82%0
Head: 19 in (off the charts still)
Alice first had to get her hep B booster - she is such a little toughy. She never actually cried, just squawked for four seconds (this is not an exaggeration), and then was done. We then had to take her to the lab to get her finger pricked for her iron test - again, she never cried, never even fussed. She DID give the lab tech a look of, "What the heck are you doing THAT for?!" Other than that, she was a tough little bird!
She is slightly anemic, so they're putting her on some iron supplements for the next month. We go back on May 20 to see if it's gotten better. Other than that, it was a blessing to read the phrases "happy, healthy, developmentally normal 9-month-old."
Monday, March 21, 2011
The Nursing Saga
When Maddie was born, my milk coming in (and then leaving) were incredibly emotional experiences. I so wanted to feed my baby with that, and it broke my heart when it went away, as if my body were forgetting her. Because of all of this, I knew without a doubt that I was going to be incredibly determined to breastfeed with Alice. I was going to start off with small goals (3 months, then 6 months, etc.), and try to attain each separately.
We started off incredibly rough. A lost over 10% of her body weight in the hospital, and they almost didn’t let us leave on the last day. My milk finally came in, and we were allowed to leave. All went well for a week or two, and then things went south. She was losing weight, my ni.pples were bloody and cracked, so they wanted us to supplement with formula. I got mastitis (103 degree fever and all), and my supply dropped a ton. I started seeing a lactation consultant, and we found that Alice’s tongue was too short and her palate too high – she wasn’t able to properly nurse. I started pumping almost exclusively but still nursing her on occasion, and we did that for several months. Due to my PCOS, the supply issues were very difficult to deal with, but I was able to fix them with a TON of work and dedication – she’s only probably ever had about ten bottles of formula. Around four months, she was big enough that we were able to switch to nursing while I was home, and things went well. I had one more bout of mastitis and about nine clogged ducts, a blood blister and one case of thrush, but it’s been much improved. I’ve been incredibly proud that The Pickle turned 8 months yesterday, and despite having just about every problem possible, we have battled through this to do what I felt was best for her.
Then she bit me.
To be accurate, she’s been biting for a while off and on, mostly when she’s ready to switch sides or is bored. This one on Saturday was awful, though. She just had the first bit of her first tooth poke through a week and a half ago, and so she bit me hard enough that I bled. And bled. I bled when she nursed. I bled when I pumped. Finally I got it to stop bleeding by Sunday morning, and have been putting Bacitra.cin and lanolin on it after every nursing session. However, during last night’s nursing sessions, the pain got a ton worse. It felt like I was getting stabbed – I have had radiation and several surgeries, but THIS was horrible. It kept me up a good portion of the night, and it’s incredibly sore all of the time – I found a little bit of white on it this morning. I have a call in to my OB/GYN, because I’m pretty sure that it’s infected.
I don’t, don’t, don’t want to wean her, but this is awful. Any words of advice? I’m just getting ready to clock in to work, but would appreciate any words of wisdom anyone may have! It was (and still is) my intention to nurse her until a year, and then to mix nursing with whole milk.
We started off incredibly rough. A lost over 10% of her body weight in the hospital, and they almost didn’t let us leave on the last day. My milk finally came in, and we were allowed to leave. All went well for a week or two, and then things went south. She was losing weight, my ni.pples were bloody and cracked, so they wanted us to supplement with formula. I got mastitis (103 degree fever and all), and my supply dropped a ton. I started seeing a lactation consultant, and we found that Alice’s tongue was too short and her palate too high – she wasn’t able to properly nurse. I started pumping almost exclusively but still nursing her on occasion, and we did that for several months. Due to my PCOS, the supply issues were very difficult to deal with, but I was able to fix them with a TON of work and dedication – she’s only probably ever had about ten bottles of formula. Around four months, she was big enough that we were able to switch to nursing while I was home, and things went well. I had one more bout of mastitis and about nine clogged ducts, a blood blister and one case of thrush, but it’s been much improved. I’ve been incredibly proud that The Pickle turned 8 months yesterday, and despite having just about every problem possible, we have battled through this to do what I felt was best for her.
Then she bit me.
To be accurate, she’s been biting for a while off and on, mostly when she’s ready to switch sides or is bored. This one on Saturday was awful, though. She just had the first bit of her first tooth poke through a week and a half ago, and so she bit me hard enough that I bled. And bled. I bled when she nursed. I bled when I pumped. Finally I got it to stop bleeding by Sunday morning, and have been putting Bacitra.cin and lanolin on it after every nursing session. However, during last night’s nursing sessions, the pain got a ton worse. It felt like I was getting stabbed – I have had radiation and several surgeries, but THIS was horrible. It kept me up a good portion of the night, and it’s incredibly sore all of the time – I found a little bit of white on it this morning. I have a call in to my OB/GYN, because I’m pretty sure that it’s infected.
I don’t, don’t, don’t want to wean her, but this is awful. Any words of advice? I’m just getting ready to clock in to work, but would appreciate any words of wisdom anyone may have! It was (and still is) my intention to nurse her until a year, and then to mix nursing with whole milk.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
6-month photos
She technically turns 7 months this coming Sunday, so I probably should have posted these a while ago. Regardless, my friend Chris took Alice's 6-month photos (he also did her amazing 3-month photos!).
Here are some of the raw files - I just love them!
You may notice a few things:
1. Alice only smiled in the last photo. This is because I took her to get her photos taken while she was tired. Lesson learned.
2. Like in her Christmas card photos (LINK), you may notice my daughter's nipples. Apparently I am comfortable posting them on the internet. This may get weird around the time she's 8 or so.
Here are some of the raw files - I just love them!
You may notice a few things:
1. Alice only smiled in the last photo. This is because I took her to get her photos taken while she was tired. Lesson learned.
2. Like in her Christmas card photos (LINK), you may notice my daughter's nipples. Apparently I am comfortable posting them on the internet. This may get weird around the time she's 8 or so.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Grateful
Yesterday was my birthday. I do not mention this for recognition; I am well past the point of these being a big deal. However, I did receive the best birthday gift.
Alice's 6-mo checkup was Friday. Weight was 18 lbs (86%), height was 26.5 in (75% - ?!?), and head circumference was 18 in - off the charts. Since it was big enough to qualify as a condition called macrocephaly, they figured it was worth checking preventatively (she is developing on schedule, so it is asymptomatic).
They measured our heads to confirm genetics, and made an appt for an ultrasound for yesterday. They wanted to do an u/s because she still has a decent-sized soft spot - if they waited, it would have required a CT scan.
Well, the scan went great! Just genetics! We will keep an eye out to make sure growth levels out, but she is fine. She did NOT, however, enjoy the scan. She wanted to be moving, and let us know it! The tech also kept talking about how she had never scanned a baby with so mug hair.
As an APer, my big problem was trying to comfort her when she was so upset. I could not nurse, so I brought a bottle I had pumped. This helped for a short while, as did singing, but nothing worked great. Both JTD and I just held and comforted her to the best of our abilities, and hugged her when we could!
Alice's 6-mo checkup was Friday. Weight was 18 lbs (86%), height was 26.5 in (75% - ?!?), and head circumference was 18 in - off the charts. Since it was big enough to qualify as a condition called macrocephaly, they figured it was worth checking preventatively (she is developing on schedule, so it is asymptomatic).
They measured our heads to confirm genetics, and made an appt for an ultrasound for yesterday. They wanted to do an u/s because she still has a decent-sized soft spot - if they waited, it would have required a CT scan.
Well, the scan went great! Just genetics! We will keep an eye out to make sure growth levels out, but she is fine. She did NOT, however, enjoy the scan. She wanted to be moving, and let us know it! The tech also kept talking about how she had never scanned a baby with so mug hair.
As an APer, my big problem was trying to comfort her when she was so upset. I could not nurse, so I brought a bottle I had pumped. This helped for a short while, as did singing, but nothing worked great. Both JTD and I just held and comforted her to the best of our abilities, and hugged her when we could!
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Thursday, January 06, 2011
Goodbye, 2010...
I joked recently that 2010 was the year spent mostly on my couch (which is true - the one-year anniversary of my cerclage and beginning of bedrest is coming up in 12 days!). It was so very much more, though. 2009 was the saddest year of my life, and 2010 was the happiest. I am so immeasurably blessed, and it just fills my heart.
I keep watching my itty bitty baby get bigger and bigger, and my heart swells. I am so proud of that smiling face, the light in her eyes when she sees her daddy or I. I never imagined being this blessed.
I also find myself still hurting. I think daily of what it would be like if Maddie were here, too, if we had both of them. I try to imagine if she'd be a chunky little cherub like Alice, or if she'd still be lithe and lean. I wonder if her hair would be dark, or if it would be blonde. I wish I could feel her holding my hand, and seeing her hug Alice. I also have so much anxiety over Alice - it isn't helped by watching a lot of SVU lately at night while A is asleep, but I am so worried about someone hurting her. I am so afraid of the things I can't control in her life - and I know it's because of the total lack of control I had with Maddie.
Argh - anyway. Here are some pictures of my beautiful girl - we don't have any New Year's Day ones, because our household all got the flu last weekend. Happiest of new year's to all of my dear friends!
I keep watching my itty bitty baby get bigger and bigger, and my heart swells. I am so proud of that smiling face, the light in her eyes when she sees her daddy or I. I never imagined being this blessed.
I also find myself still hurting. I think daily of what it would be like if Maddie were here, too, if we had both of them. I try to imagine if she'd be a chunky little cherub like Alice, or if she'd still be lithe and lean. I wonder if her hair would be dark, or if it would be blonde. I wish I could feel her holding my hand, and seeing her hug Alice. I also have so much anxiety over Alice - it isn't helped by watching a lot of SVU lately at night while A is asleep, but I am so worried about someone hurting her. I am so afraid of the things I can't control in her life - and I know it's because of the total lack of control I had with Maddie.
Argh - anyway. Here are some pictures of my beautiful girl - we don't have any New Year's Day ones, because our household all got the flu last weekend. Happiest of new year's to all of my dear friends!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Eventful
It was an eventful weekend/Monday! Here's the gist of it:
Saturday - Alice's first blizzard. Super-excited to get that milestone out of the way. We had intentions of going to see Santa in the "big" city nearby, but the roads weren't allowing for that... so we went to the local one. It was okay - Alice has been having stranger anxiety lately, and so luckily she didn't see him when we put her on his lap. She did, however, grab a handful of beard hair first thing, so she was clearly his favorite child. The picture wasn't really good enough to be scanned, so it's just going in the baby book.
We got home, and she hit a couple of major milestones! She tripod-sat for the first time unassisted (go, baby girl!), and then this started happening (forgive her sleep-sack-and-Babylegs look, and my pajama pants): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Klj-gSj1NdE
Is it weird that I am honestly more excited/proud about her doing this than I am about almost anything I've ever achieved in my whole life?
Sunday - I woke up several times through the night with some pain in my lower right abdomen. Hunh.
Monday - Pain continued, so I went to the doctor. My blood tests showed that my white blood cell counts were pretty elevated, so he got a CT scan. It came back normal, but he's still worried about the cell counts (I might still be at the beginning of appendicitis), so I go back today.
While I was at home waiting for the results, Alice started getting sick. Lots of pooping, fever, etc. Her fever finally broke at about 4:00 a.m. this morning, but we were thisclose the whole time to meeting the pediatrician's requirements to go to the ER. It was a long night, but we're doing better today!
I'm hoping that 2011 is drama-free. :)
Saturday - Alice's first blizzard. Super-excited to get that milestone out of the way. We had intentions of going to see Santa in the "big" city nearby, but the roads weren't allowing for that... so we went to the local one. It was okay - Alice has been having stranger anxiety lately, and so luckily she didn't see him when we put her on his lap. She did, however, grab a handful of beard hair first thing, so she was clearly his favorite child. The picture wasn't really good enough to be scanned, so it's just going in the baby book.
We got home, and she hit a couple of major milestones! She tripod-sat for the first time unassisted (go, baby girl!), and then this started happening (forgive her sleep-sack-and-Babylegs look, and my pajama pants): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Klj-gSj1NdE
Is it weird that I am honestly more excited/proud about her doing this than I am about almost anything I've ever achieved in my whole life?
Sunday - I woke up several times through the night with some pain in my lower right abdomen. Hunh.
Monday - Pain continued, so I went to the doctor. My blood tests showed that my white blood cell counts were pretty elevated, so he got a CT scan. It came back normal, but he's still worried about the cell counts (I might still be at the beginning of appendicitis), so I go back today.
While I was at home waiting for the results, Alice started getting sick. Lots of pooping, fever, etc. Her fever finally broke at about 4:00 a.m. this morning, but we were thisclose the whole time to meeting the pediatrician's requirements to go to the ER. It was a long night, but we're doing better today!
I'm hoping that 2011 is drama-free. :)
Monday, December 06, 2010
4-month Appointment Fun
Alice's 4-month appointment went awesome. She was 24.5 inches long (37th percentile), 15 lb 8 oz (79th percentile), and had a head circumference of 17.5 inches (99th percentile!). I joked to JTD that we have the cutest Bobble.head on Earth.
She did great with the shots, though - she only cried for about ten to fifteen seconds, and was then fine. She ran a low-grade temp all weekend, but I think it's better. She giggled when the doctor was checking her hip joints, like, "What is this dude doing?"
Update on baby Isaac Liam - thank you for all of the prayers for my nephew. He's doing great - he's not eating very quickly/efficiently, but they took him off of the CPAP yesterday because he's breathing so well. He was moved to an incubator, so they can control his environment more. We went down and saw him on Saturday night after he was born, and he was grasping my finger - it's amazing how strong he is already.
She did great with the shots, though - she only cried for about ten to fifteen seconds, and was then fine. She ran a low-grade temp all weekend, but I think it's better. She giggled when the doctor was checking her hip joints, like, "What is this dude doing?"
Update on baby Isaac Liam - thank you for all of the prayers for my nephew. He's doing great - he's not eating very quickly/efficiently, but they took him off of the CPAP yesterday because he's breathing so well. He was moved to an incubator, so they can control his environment more. We went down and saw him on Saturday night after he was born, and he was grasping my finger - it's amazing how strong he is already.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Happy Thanksgiving
It's amazing what a difference a year makes. At this time last year, we'd just performed our FET and were barely-barely-barely pregnant with Miss Alice. We'd just passed Maddie's due date (November 14), and were trying to reconcile the two. Today, our wonderful little family is at home, snuggled together in love and happiness.
I know this sounds weird, but it's days like today that I'm so glad that we had Maddie cremated. She is with us today, she's a part of our holiday. As I do every day, I can look at her and talk to her, cry over her. I can hold her close to me, and feel her weight. I am so grateful for that, and for her touching our lives still every single day.
Well, that's certainly a cheerful thought... Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I hope that your holidays are filled with family and love, remembrance and hope.
I know this sounds weird, but it's days like today that I'm so glad that we had Maddie cremated. She is with us today, she's a part of our holiday. As I do every day, I can look at her and talk to her, cry over her. I can hold her close to me, and feel her weight. I am so grateful for that, and for her touching our lives still every single day.
Well, that's certainly a cheerful thought... Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I hope that your holidays are filled with family and love, remembrance and hope.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Our Angel
So, I bought some angel wings for Alice on Etsy. I had originally planned using them at her 1-year portraits, but then realized they'd be great for Christmas cards. I tried taking the photos on my own, but that didn't go so well. Since there was such a time crunch, I walked into a local studio... Follow the link below for the results.
Please try and tell me this isn't the cutest baby on Earth. :)
http://www.myonlineportraits.com/ViewSharedAlbum.aspx?ShareID=e0fbf15b-7778-491d-9ab4-f8680db591e9
Happy 4-month birthday yesterday, baby girl!
Please try and tell me this isn't the cutest baby on Earth. :)
http://www.myonlineportraits.com/ViewSharedAlbum.aspx?ShareID=e0fbf15b-7778-491d-9ab4-f8680db591e9
Happy 4-month birthday yesterday, baby girl!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
All of this fuss over some crying
I made the mistake of joking on Facebook a week or so ago that A was being a butthole at bedtime. Apparently, that comment opened the floodgates for everyone and their dog to give me advice on how to get her to sleep better. The most common thing that I’ve heard is “just let her cry it out,” “she’ll eventually cry it out.”
I don’t judge anyone who uses the CIO method; it has worked for hundreds of thousands of households, but it will not be used in ours. I have a lot of different reasons behind this.
First of all, what is “it” that she’s crying out? As far as I can tell, “it” is her trust that we’ll be there for her when she needs us. I really don’t want her crying that in particular out. We went to the most drastic methods possible to even get pregnant with her, and incredibly drastic methods to stay pregnant, so I’m certainly not going to just decide to change now. If I had wanted convenience, I wouldn’t have had a child.
So, I hear different responses. “Oh, that’s right, you do Attachment Parenting.” [Insert eye roll or similar here.] Yes, I do, but this actually doesn’t have to do with being AP (although there is little besides spanking that is more opposed to this style of parenting). “Oh, you’re just overcompensating for losing Maddie.” While losing Maddie certainly strengthened my resolve, I was against CIO for our household before then.
If I want to put this in simplest terms, look at our beliefs in how humanity was formed. If you’re Christian – I find it hard to believe that Jesus would ever leave a baby unattended to sob him or herself to sleep. If you believe in evolution – our species certainly wouldn’t have progressed very far if a small child were left in another room of a cave to cry, alerting all predators to its whereabouts. Cortisol levels in the brain raise when a child is left to cry, which can lead to long-term damage. None of these things lead me to believe that CIO is right for my child.
In the end, it’s just not up for discussion. My husband and I are on the same page, and I have informed my daycare provider and everyone else who may take care of her long-term of my desires. That’s kind of the end of the story. I appreciate and understand that sometimes people are trying to help, but the ones who are judging me… they can suck it. :-)
I don’t judge anyone who uses the CIO method; it has worked for hundreds of thousands of households, but it will not be used in ours. I have a lot of different reasons behind this.
First of all, what is “it” that she’s crying out? As far as I can tell, “it” is her trust that we’ll be there for her when she needs us. I really don’t want her crying that in particular out. We went to the most drastic methods possible to even get pregnant with her, and incredibly drastic methods to stay pregnant, so I’m certainly not going to just decide to change now. If I had wanted convenience, I wouldn’t have had a child.
So, I hear different responses. “Oh, that’s right, you do Attachment Parenting.” [Insert eye roll or similar here.] Yes, I do, but this actually doesn’t have to do with being AP (although there is little besides spanking that is more opposed to this style of parenting). “Oh, you’re just overcompensating for losing Maddie.” While losing Maddie certainly strengthened my resolve, I was against CIO for our household before then.
If I want to put this in simplest terms, look at our beliefs in how humanity was formed. If you’re Christian – I find it hard to believe that Jesus would ever leave a baby unattended to sob him or herself to sleep. If you believe in evolution – our species certainly wouldn’t have progressed very far if a small child were left in another room of a cave to cry, alerting all predators to its whereabouts. Cortisol levels in the brain raise when a child is left to cry, which can lead to long-term damage. None of these things lead me to believe that CIO is right for my child.
In the end, it’s just not up for discussion. My husband and I are on the same page, and I have informed my daycare provider and everyone else who may take care of her long-term of my desires. That’s kind of the end of the story. I appreciate and understand that sometimes people are trying to help, but the ones who are judging me… they can suck it. :-)
Friday, November 05, 2010
One Year Ago Today...
One year ago today, this happened:
A beautiful little Alice embryo was implanted! She burrowed in nice and tight, and changed our lives for forever.
Happy thaw-and-transfer day, Allie Kat!
A beautiful little Alice embryo was implanted! She burrowed in nice and tight, and changed our lives for forever.
Happy thaw-and-transfer day, Allie Kat!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Almost 3 months old
Our little Alice Katherine (also known as "Allie Kat") turns 3 months old this coming Wednesday! My friend who runs Photography 139 took her photos today, and they're amazing. I don't have any ability or talent to retouch them, but here's a couple of the raw photos:
And here's a video of Alice snoring from last night:
And here's a video of Alice snoring from last night:
Monday, October 11, 2010
Parenting Style
Cheryl posted today about her parenting philosophy, and I really liked the idea. Hence, I'm stealing it (sorry, Cheryl!).
I am a huge fan of Attachment Parenting, because it is just a natural extension of how I parent already. All of it makes sense to me. However, I don't just do something "because Dr. Sears said so."
I breastfeed, but I breastfeed how I can due to anatomy (mine and hers). I nurse Alice for as long as I can, then pump while JTD gives her whatever I pumped at the last feeding. There's a necessity every once in a while to supplement with formula, but that equates to maybe 4 oz. of formula per week. Maybe.
We co-sleep, and I'm proud of it. First of all, if you do it safely, it reduces the risk of SIDS (link). Secondly, it has totally changed the way Alice sleeps. She was getting up every 45 minutes or so for the first 5 weeks of her life. I started co-sleeping with her, and she can now go 4 - 7 hours at a time. She's amazing, and I love the closeness, since I don't get to be at home with her during the day.
I unfortunately have to work, even though I wish I could stay at home. We only have to take her to 12 hours of daycare each week - I work 7 - 4 on Monday - Friday, and JTD works 2 p.m. - 10 p.m. Monday - Thursday, has Friday off, and works Saturday morning. We don't get to see each other much, but it is best for her. We rarely go anywhere without her, so that means our social lives have changed greatly.
I respect others' choice to do so, but I refuse to let A "cry it out" in any form. I can't imagine being able to do so - my heart aches and I start crying, too, when I can't help her to stop crying. I want her every moment to be joyful, and want her to trust me. We do everything on-demand, and just let her tell us her needs.
We are vaccinating on schedule, and we also use disposable diapers. I wish we had the time or stomach to use cloth, but we don't.
We baby-wear when possible. I had a Hotsling, but it never really worked that well for us. I got a Beco Butterfly (much like an Ergo, but even higher rated) - I love it, and so does she.
I am a huge fan of Attachment Parenting, because it is just a natural extension of how I parent already. All of it makes sense to me. However, I don't just do something "because Dr. Sears said so."
I breastfeed, but I breastfeed how I can due to anatomy (mine and hers). I nurse Alice for as long as I can, then pump while JTD gives her whatever I pumped at the last feeding. There's a necessity every once in a while to supplement with formula, but that equates to maybe 4 oz. of formula per week. Maybe.
We co-sleep, and I'm proud of it. First of all, if you do it safely, it reduces the risk of SIDS (link). Secondly, it has totally changed the way Alice sleeps. She was getting up every 45 minutes or so for the first 5 weeks of her life. I started co-sleeping with her, and she can now go 4 - 7 hours at a time. She's amazing, and I love the closeness, since I don't get to be at home with her during the day.
I unfortunately have to work, even though I wish I could stay at home. We only have to take her to 12 hours of daycare each week - I work 7 - 4 on Monday - Friday, and JTD works 2 p.m. - 10 p.m. Monday - Thursday, has Friday off, and works Saturday morning. We don't get to see each other much, but it is best for her. We rarely go anywhere without her, so that means our social lives have changed greatly.
I respect others' choice to do so, but I refuse to let A "cry it out" in any form. I can't imagine being able to do so - my heart aches and I start crying, too, when I can't help her to stop crying. I want her every moment to be joyful, and want her to trust me. We do everything on-demand, and just let her tell us her needs.
We are vaccinating on schedule, and we also use disposable diapers. I wish we had the time or stomach to use cloth, but we don't.
We baby-wear when possible. I had a Hotsling, but it never really worked that well for us. I got a Beco Butterfly (much like an Ergo, but even higher rated) - I love it, and so does she.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Our Birth Story
I guess I've neglected posting Alice's birth story, so I probably can do it today, on her two-month birthday. By the way - 2-mo vaccines suck, I cried almost as much as she did. But baby girl was 11 lb 3 oz (60th percentile), 22.5 inches long (60th percentile), and head circumference was 16.5 inches (95th percentile - atta girl).
On the morning of July 20, 2010, we got up around 3:30 a.m. and to the hospital by about 4:45 a.m. I was the first and only C-section of the day, scheduled for 7:30. We got there and they started prepping me - the nurse who checked me in was the nurse who helped deliver Maddie. We got me changed, the catheter placed (we had some problems with that throughout the entire time it was in place), and they shaved me (I wasn't super-pleased that they hadn't told me this needed to be done ahead of time, as I would have done it myself). I was in the OR by 7:20.
I had to go in the OR by myself to receive the spinal - JTD had Maddie in his scrubs' pocket, and could watch through the window. I had just had one for my cerclage, so I wasn't nervous - but I started shaking at the thought that our little girl would be arriving within moments. JTD and my fantastic OB came in, as well as his nurse and two other nurses (one of whom was also my nurse with Maddie - this was a recurring theme throughout the stay). They put me on the table that was shaped like a cross - I had the IV on one arm, and the one nearest JTD was free. They started the anesthesia - JTD, who works in IT in the hospital, had to help the anesthesiologist with his computer while we were waiting. My OB, who has a wonderfully sarcastic sense of humor, started talking about a documentary he'd seen recently about corn. (This didn't take me much by surprised, my anesthesiologist during my cerclage talked about venison.) Since I knew that I'd start freaking out if I didn't participate, I talked with him. I looked over at JTD from time to time... he didn't seem to be doing well. He admitted later that he was about ready to pass out, and had no clue how I was nonchalantly discussing corn. We each had our ways of preparing for the arrival!
The doctor asked if I was ready, and JTD saw them pulling her out of me. Her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck, so she was very purple - they got that off of her, and gave her a couple of seconds, and then she started crying and pinking up. I wasn't supposed to touch her, but I got a quick little feel in before she and JTD went to the nursery.
They went about sewing me up - at one point I asked if they could see more endometriosis. He said he could only see a tiny bit, but then looked at the underside of my ovaries and said that there was something there. I explained that my RE had done ovarian drilling, so that was what that was. They got me into recovery, and I waited for Alice and JTD to arrive. He rolled her in, and my heart melted to see the two of them. We got to nurse right away, but her temp went a little low, so they had to take her back to the NICU to put her under warmers. The nurse who cared for us post-op was the nurse who cried with me when she had to take Maddie from me for the last time - this same nurse (along with another who treated us that time, as well as a third) fought several times over the course of my stay to care for us. They all remembered our girl, and were so happy for our new arrival.
My C-section recovery really wasn't bad at all. Considering she arrived with a 15-inch head, I think I likely would have gone to a C-section even without the cerclage in place. Not much pain except when I overdid it! Maybe it was just helped by seeing my beautiful little girl.
On the morning of July 20, 2010, we got up around 3:30 a.m. and to the hospital by about 4:45 a.m. I was the first and only C-section of the day, scheduled for 7:30. We got there and they started prepping me - the nurse who checked me in was the nurse who helped deliver Maddie. We got me changed, the catheter placed (we had some problems with that throughout the entire time it was in place), and they shaved me (I wasn't super-pleased that they hadn't told me this needed to be done ahead of time, as I would have done it myself). I was in the OR by 7:20.
I had to go in the OR by myself to receive the spinal - JTD had Maddie in his scrubs' pocket, and could watch through the window. I had just had one for my cerclage, so I wasn't nervous - but I started shaking at the thought that our little girl would be arriving within moments. JTD and my fantastic OB came in, as well as his nurse and two other nurses (one of whom was also my nurse with Maddie - this was a recurring theme throughout the stay). They put me on the table that was shaped like a cross - I had the IV on one arm, and the one nearest JTD was free. They started the anesthesia - JTD, who works in IT in the hospital, had to help the anesthesiologist with his computer while we were waiting. My OB, who has a wonderfully sarcastic sense of humor, started talking about a documentary he'd seen recently about corn. (This didn't take me much by surprised, my anesthesiologist during my cerclage talked about venison.) Since I knew that I'd start freaking out if I didn't participate, I talked with him. I looked over at JTD from time to time... he didn't seem to be doing well. He admitted later that he was about ready to pass out, and had no clue how I was nonchalantly discussing corn. We each had our ways of preparing for the arrival!
The doctor asked if I was ready, and JTD saw them pulling her out of me. Her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck, so she was very purple - they got that off of her, and gave her a couple of seconds, and then she started crying and pinking up. I wasn't supposed to touch her, but I got a quick little feel in before she and JTD went to the nursery.
They went about sewing me up - at one point I asked if they could see more endometriosis. He said he could only see a tiny bit, but then looked at the underside of my ovaries and said that there was something there. I explained that my RE had done ovarian drilling, so that was what that was. They got me into recovery, and I waited for Alice and JTD to arrive. He rolled her in, and my heart melted to see the two of them. We got to nurse right away, but her temp went a little low, so they had to take her back to the NICU to put her under warmers. The nurse who cared for us post-op was the nurse who cried with me when she had to take Maddie from me for the last time - this same nurse (along with another who treated us that time, as well as a third) fought several times over the course of my stay to care for us. They all remembered our girl, and were so happy for our new arrival.
My C-section recovery really wasn't bad at all. Considering she arrived with a 15-inch head, I think I likely would have gone to a C-section even without the cerclage in place. Not much pain except when I overdid it! Maybe it was just helped by seeing my beautiful little girl.
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