This past Saturday marked 22 months since Maddie was born. I have thought of her so much lately, of those fleeting moments we had.
Part of me looks back on those few hours that I got to spend holding my baby, when I was still in shock and hadn't slept in almost 48 hours, when I wasn't truly able to take every second from the time that I wanted... and I think, "That was it? That's all I get?" I don't ever get another chance to hold her, to spend even more time with her. I don't get a do-over.
I cherish Alice in ways I can't speak with words. I try to parent her in the best way I can imagine, even when I fail... but I want that with Madeleine, too.
Of course there are the moments like her wedding, her graduation, all of those things that I wanted. But more than that, I want the small things. I want to put her hair in ponytails. I want to watch her little hand curl around mine in her sleep. I want to see her reach out for Mommy when she's sad, and to light up when she sees me come into the room. I treasure all of these things with Alice, but I want it all multiplied by two. I want, I want, I want.
I miss her.
Grab My Button
My Girls
Both of my girls
Maddie's Flower
from Say It With Flowers
Maddie's Name in the Sand
10 comments:
Thinking of Maddie with you. *hug*
Hugs <3
I so get all of this. Lily has been gone for 33 months and I still have those moments where I get sad about all of the things that we'll miss doing together.
Thinking of you and both your sweet girls. xoxo!
I was completely unprepared for how having a baby around would make me miss the ones that weren't here so much.
xoxo
hugs... thinking of you and your precious daughters...
I totally get this. Caitlyn's first birthday was on Saturday and as much as I enjoyed it, I couldn't help but think about the fact that I never got to have a birthday party for Nicholas. It seems like every little milestone Caitlyn hits reminds me of one I missed with him. Obviously you expect the big things, like birthdays, to stir those feelings up, but then those other things, the smaller things that you didn't really think about hit you unexpectedly. What you said about seeing her face light up when you walk into the room- yeah I totally get that. Because it's just pure joy when it happens. And it never would have occured to me to even really think about missing it with Nicky. I always thought about the fact that I would never see him smile but then to see Caitlyn smile for no other reason then she is happy to see me? It's hard to know I missed that with him.
*hugs* Thinking of Maddy with you. I can't imagine that want ever going away as I have been dealing with similar emotions.
I so GET THIS!!!! I miss the little things like putting lotion on them after a bath...I often wish I could go back to that day, it was not long enough to hold my baby! ugh...It can really be so hard some days...
I hear ya!
We want...anything that would mean our babies were with us again!
hugs
I know how you feel... I have all the same thoughts for Gabrielle. I wish we could have our time over again with our little ones. Love to you and Maddie always xoxo
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