Grateful

Yesterday was my birthday. I do not mention this for recognition; I am well past the point of these being a big deal. However, I did receive the best birthday gift.

Alice's 6-mo checkup was Friday. Weight was 18 lbs (86%), height was 26.5 in (75% - ?!?), and head circumference was 18 in - off the charts. Since it was big enough to qualify as a condition called macrocephaly, they figured it was worth checking preventatively (she is developing on schedule, so it is asymptomatic).

They measured our heads to confirm genetics, and made an appt for an ultrasound for yesterday. They wanted to do an u/s because she still has a decent-sized soft spot - if they waited, it would have required a CT scan.

Well, the scan went great! Just genetics! We will keep an eye out to make sure growth levels out, but she is fine. She did NOT, however, enjoy the scan. She wanted to be moving, and let us know it! The tech also kept talking about how she had never scanned a baby with so mug hair.

As an APer, my big problem was trying to comfort her when she was so upset. I could not nurse, so I brought a bottle I had pumped. This helped for a short while, as did singing, but nothing worked great. Both JTD and I just held and comforted her to the best of our abilities, and hugged her when we could!

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I probably should just leave the blog title spot blank if I can't think of anything...

Miss Alice turns 6 months on Thursday!  My little girl isn't so little anymore!  She's doing so well - the only thing we're a little behind on is sitting up.  She can tripod like a champ, but isn't really sitting up-up yet.  We can't get her to stop rolling even when we need her to, though, and she keeps making motions like she wants to crawl.

Her appointment is on Friday - at that time, we're going to start feeding solids.  I think we're going to do a combination of baby-led weaning (where she gums off of foods and feeds herself) and purees.  I am shocking everyone I know because I've decided that I'm going to make the baby food myself.  In their defense, I can just barely make mac and cheese.  I've been making all of her meals with my chest for the last six months, and know what went into each of them... I feel like I should keep it up.  I am remarkably lazy after I get home from work, though, so we'll see how this goes.

I try to talk to Alice pretty constantly about Maddie, but I'm so curious how to go about that as she goes older.  I really think I want to make up a little story for her, but I'm not sure how to do it.

Goodbye, 2010...

I joked recently that 2010 was the year spent mostly on my couch (which is true - the one-year anniversary of my cerclage and beginning of bedrest is coming up in 12 days!).  It was so very much more, though.  2009 was the saddest year of my life, and 2010 was the happiest.  I am so immeasurably blessed, and it just fills my heart.

I keep watching my itty bitty baby get bigger and bigger, and my heart swells.  I am so proud of that smiling face, the light in her eyes when she sees her daddy or I.  I never imagined being this blessed.

I also find myself still hurting.  I think daily of what it would be like if Maddie were here, too, if we had both of them.  I try to imagine if she'd be a chunky little cherub like Alice, or if she'd still be lithe and lean.  I wonder if her hair would be dark, or if it would be blonde.  I wish I could feel her holding my hand, and seeing her hug Alice.  I also have so much anxiety over Alice - it isn't helped by watching a lot of SVU lately at night while A is asleep, but I am so worried about someone hurting her.  I am so afraid of the things I can't control in her life - and I know it's because of the total lack of control I had with Maddie.

Argh - anyway.  Here are some pictures of my beautiful girl - we don't have any New Year's Day ones, because our household all got the flu last weekend.  Happiest of new year's to all of my dear friends!