All of this fuss over some crying

I made the mistake of joking on Facebook a week or so ago that A was being a butthole at bedtime. Apparently, that comment opened the floodgates for everyone and their dog to give me advice on how to get her to sleep better. The most common thing that I’ve heard is “just let her cry it out,” “she’ll eventually cry it out.”


I don’t judge anyone who uses the CIO method; it has worked for hundreds of thousands of households, but it will not be used in ours. I have a lot of different reasons behind this.

First of all, what is “it” that she’s crying out? As far as I can tell, “it” is her trust that we’ll be there for her when she needs us. I really don’t want her crying that in particular out. We went to the most drastic methods possible to even get pregnant with her, and incredibly drastic methods to stay pregnant, so I’m certainly not going to just decide to change now. If I had wanted convenience, I wouldn’t have had a child.

So, I hear different responses. “Oh, that’s right, you do Attachment Parenting.” [Insert eye roll or similar here.] Yes, I do, but this actually doesn’t have to do with being AP (although there is little besides spanking that is more opposed to this style of parenting). “Oh, you’re just overcompensating for losing Maddie.” While losing Maddie certainly strengthened my resolve, I was against CIO for our household before then.

If I want to put this in simplest terms, look at our beliefs in how humanity was formed. If you’re Christian – I find it hard to believe that Jesus would ever leave a baby unattended to sob him or herself to sleep. If you believe in evolution – our species certainly wouldn’t have progressed very far if a small child were left in another room of a cave to cry, alerting all predators to its whereabouts. Cortisol levels in the brain raise when a child is left to cry, which can lead to long-term damage. None of these things lead me to believe that CIO is right for my child.

In the end, it’s just not up for discussion. My husband and I are on the same page, and I have informed my daycare provider and everyone else who may take care of her long-term of my desires. That’s kind of the end of the story. I appreciate and understand that sometimes people are trying to help, but the ones who are judging me… they can suck it. :-)