Two years ago today was the day before I went into labor, the day before my heart broke, when I was still serenely happy. I spend these days chasing the shadows of what we were doing two years ago.
Goog.le Calendar just e-mailed me to remind me that Maddie's birthday on the 7th. How thoughtful, as if I could ever forget my firstborn, my first little angel.
Grab My Button
Followers
My Girls
Both of my girls
An Amazing List of Blogs
Maddie's Angel and Flowers
From JenJen
Maddie's Cupcake
from Calvin's Cupcakes
Maddie's Flower
from Say It With Flowers
Maddie's Name in the Sand
Maddie's Butterfly
Thanks, Bree!
7 comments:
The 7th was supposed to be my due date with Nicholas. I always wanted a summer baby and from the time I got pregnant with him, I always imagined birthday BBQs on the 4th of July. I've spent this whole week thinking about how we should be celebrating his 2nd birthday... you know, if he was born when he was supposed to be. And I hate weeks like this especially because I spend so much time obsessing about all the bad things that could happen to Caitlyn. The other day we were driving home from somewhere and I kept checking to see if she was still alive in her carseat. I always get like this around milestones. I'm so sorry... I know it's hard. So, wanna be sad together?
It's so hard not to recap how blissfully happy that life once was...
Thinking of you and Maddie ((hugs))
Jaclyn - I will absolutely be sad together. <3
Jen - <3 you. I have such great friends.
It seems like every time we talk we realize something else we have in common... I think we were besties in another life. It makes me feel like Nicholas has a friend to play with while he waits for his mommy to get there.
I'm in the same boat....Sadies one year birth/death anniversary is Sunday the 10th! Our babies would have been one year apart!
I've been recaping what was happening this week one year ago too! Its hard not too! We miss our babies so much!
Hugs to you and my thoughts are with you this week!!
I wish there was a way to deal with pain and heartache beyond self-inflicted emotional torture. And yet, with each year that passes and as the memories fade, those days and weeks before birthdays and due date anniversaries almost become something I look forward to - they remind me that it did all happen and it wasn't all just a bad dream (things I sometimes think to try to comfort myself when I wake up in a panic in the middle of the night.) They bring the memories of that time - both the good and the horrible - to the front of my mind . . . so often I have to push them back to deal with other things and I forget to take the time to grieve and remember like I want to.
Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to grieve and to feel everything - the pain, the happiness, the heartache, and the relief that I know comes when you have made it through another year. So much love to you my friend - I understand what you are going through.
Lots of love to you and Miss Maddie.
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