8 weeks - Radical Acceptance

I went to my grief counselor this morning for the second time.  She's a very good counselor - kind, compassionate, concerned.

One of the things we've discussed before is radical acceptance - the realization that I am in this moment, and that I am okay.  I don't have control over a lot of things, but this is what it is.  This is what I've been given, and it's mine to embrace.

One of the ways this has helped me over the past couple of weeks is in regards to all of those "what if's" - the questions of if I had done this differently, changed that, if Maddie would still be with me.  The answer is - it doesn't really matter.  I can't go back and change the way things happened, I can just learn to process that they did, and accept it as a part of my life.  I have a wonderful daughter, but through a will other than my own, she is in Heaven.  God needed her, and this is how I was meant to have her.

She also recommended that I take stock of my well-being every day.  She wants me to make sure to write down (which I'll do here) how I'm doing physically, mentally (ability to focus, etc.), emotionally, and spiritually on a scale of 1 - 10 (1 being "barely functioning," 10 being "I can climb a mountain").  This can help gauge what I'm ready to do, instead of just what I want to do, or what I think is right.  The "spiritual" aspect will mean the most - it indicates my ability to accept and cope with what I've been given.

Physically  - 8                                Mentally - 7
Emotionally - 6                              Spiritually - 7

I am grateful for an emotional 6, and a spiritual 7.