One thing I've been thinking a lot about lately is the whole "I wish Maddie were here" thing. For most people, it's true that, if their babies they lost had made it, their subsequent children wouldn't physically have been here. We're in the unique position that this isn't really the case. Maddie and Baby A were embryos that were frozen at the same time, and both were transferred at later dates. Their DNA and (I believe) souls were already formed and were just waiting for us to transfer them. In fact, we still have two babies frozen. It's entirely possible that, if Maddie would have lived, that we could have had both of our little girls with us at some point.
So, why couldn't I have both of them? I wish with all my heart every day that it were the case, why couldn't I have it? I know that the simple answer is because it wasn't God's will. This is what He needed it to be - He needed Maddie to be born as she was, to give us the gifts that she did. He is keeping her safe and happy forever. I find beauty in the fact that my girls are technically genetic twins, and I firmly believe that they will be close despite everything.
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I read about this (LINK) on LFCA the other day, and immediately showed JTD. He agreed with me that we really want our babies to know all about the IVF/FETs, and how much we wanted them. I ordered a copy of this, and hope it will be delivered this week - I just wanted to share it with any other IVF/FET moms out there.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
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10 comments:
I think many of us have thought the same.
xoxo
Hugs, you are right that with IVF we would have had both our children even if further apart than we are ending up with them since they were conceived at the same time.
thanks for sharing the link to the book, i think i may have to purchase it.
hope you and baby jota are doing well!!!
You ladies are so sweet!
Ali, I know you know the feeling - I will also let you know how the book is. :)
I can only say that I am sending some love.
I would love to have all my babies, even without IVF. They are mine and I want to hold them and love them. No one should have to go through this. Ever. Im so sorry for your loss.
Hugs.
I ask myself that all the time... Why not all our babies? While we dont have the IVF scenario, I often realize that, had Nicholas and Sophia lived longer lives, our lives would have been too busy to immediately contemplate more children right away. Or what if one or more of our children had struggled with a challenge; that might have made us rethink having more children right away. There are so many scenarios where our children wouldnt be here, and I cant even fathom that life. I need to have been their mother- even if it was for a short time.
But, oh yes, I ponder that question often. And I wish,wish, wish, that we all could have had them all... Forever...
Oh, Angie, I wish no one ever had to suffer the loss of a child. I wish that pain never had to be known to any parent in this world. But, I am so glad to know that you know there is comfort for Maddie, and for you, in God's loving arms.
I love your spirit and I am so glad to read each entry you write as you get closer and closer to baby Jota's arrival.
I feel the same way. I'm not in the exact same boat, but I struggle to see the lesson that we're supposed to learn from such horrible pain.
XOXO Thinking of you, baby Jota, and Maddie....
I have thought that. If Jonathan would have gone full term, we could have still conceived Clover, but would it have been right for my body? Definitely not. I wish you could have both Maddy and Jota *hugs*
This is something I struggle with on a regular basis! I know that we wouldn't have B.riar if we didn't have Q.uinn, and while it is fairly easy for me to wrap my head around that notion, I cannot FOR THE LIFE OF ME, get my heart to do the same. One of my favorite lyrical quotes says, "What I want is what I've not got, but what I need is all around me." I find myself repeating that phrase over and over in my head on those bad days, wondering why.
Your little girls will forever be linked, and I wish that you were able to have them both physically here with you. I admire the comfort and strength that your faith gives you, and believe that you are 100% right - they will be close.
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