I know I am getting old and impatient and unhip... And I largely don't care. I absolutely hate the phrase "FML.". I think I hate it because people use it so flippantly. "I slept through class, FML. I can't go to this concert, eff my life."
I don't wish on anyone for their lives to be destroyed, but I think it is obvious that the people whose lives have been "effed" are almost never the ones using this phrase. For most who read my blog, you feel the pain daily of it having been too long since you held your baby, and the worse pain of knowing it will only be longer and longer until the day you die. THAT is life-altering pain. Death and illness, tragedy and loss. I wish the people who were so flippant would gather some perspective and see how this affects others, those who try to dwell on the positives and grow from their pain.
That sounded preachy, and I didn't mean it to be. FML, I guess?
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8 comments:
Not preachy. You're simply someone who has actually seen one the darkest things life can hold, so you don't flippantly think "eff my life". People who've really experienced some of the moments that really deserve the "FML" label don't use it on minor things like sleeping through class or being unable to attend a concert or any of the multitude of other minor inconveniences this phrase is used for. When those people are experiencing an "FML" moment, they certainly wouldn't use that phrase because it's too deep a pain for a phrase that is so loosely used for any small unpleasantness.
I agree with you. People that use the phrase in such a careless manor annoy me....and I know I've been guilty of it myself (not frequently, but on occassion). This post has me thinking, though, and I'm going to endeavour not to use it again.
My sisters are I are like this about people who think they are poor or bitch about how hard their lives are because they have "no money". I mean, everyone has money problems and everyone wishes they had more money, but as someone who grew up absurdly poor and lived in a van and sleazy motel rooms for a good chunk of my childhood, it's really easy for me to put it into perspective when I need to wait till my next paycheck to buy a new purse because rent is due this week. Mostly though, we just laugh at the people who don't understand because we know we are stronger than they will ever be.
My husband is one of those people who grew up with every privilege and when we are short on money or we don't have as much in our savings as he would like or some big unexpected expense comes up, it's just DEVASTATING to him. And he doesn't understand why it doesn't bother me... I've tried to explain it to him- like, hey, I remember when my mom couldn't afford to feed us. I remember walking to the laundry mat and grocery store as a kid and lugging everything home (which was 2 miles away) because we couldn't afford a car. So yeah, it's annoying when the car needs a $500 repair and we have to dip into our savings to pay for it, but you know what? We HAVE it, we can pay for it! We aren't going to lose our jobs because we have no way to get to work; we don't have to choose between fixing the car and paying our rent. We are just FINE.
All that being said, it IS different for those of us with such devastating losses... it's so much more significant than anything else "bad" that's ever happened in my life. It practically negates all those other things that I ever thought were hard.
One of my sisters, who does tend to tell people to stop crying about it when they bitch about money... she doesn't even realize she does the same thing to me when it comes to babies. After her son was born she confronted me about something mean I said during her pregnancy. I made some off-handed comment about how she didn't really love her baby because she didn't quit smoking while she was pregnant. Was it mean? Absolutely. Uncalled for? Yes. And I can't blame my loss for that one, because I was still pregnant with Nicholas at the time I said it. I did apologize, but I tried to explain to her that, while of course I didn't mean it, the reason I had judged her was because she seemed to take her pregnancy for granted. Even before my loss, I knew having babies wouldn't be easy for me. We had to do IVF to even get pregnant. So I guess it was partly the hormones and partly because I had to work so hard to even get pregnant and she got pregnant on the very first try.
I'm not justifing what I said. It was still unnecessary, but I was trying to explain to her why I said such a mean thing. To which she responded that I shouldn't be bitter towards her for the fact that I couldn't get pregnant because 1. Technically, I probably COULD get pregnant easily if it weren't for my husband's sperm issues. And 2. Because she had wanted a baby for 7 years before her husband finally agreed to it.
So yeah, she compared my infertility and subsequent loss to the fact that her then-boyfriend wouldn't knock her up at 19 and pretty much implied that if IVF bothered me so much, I should have found a guy with better sperm because, really it wasn't MY problem.
My point is, yeah, I get it. And it surely doesn't make you old...just wiser than a lot of people your age.
I agree, I don't like it either.
Certainly not preachy... just true. Love to you always xoxo
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You are not being preachy at all friend, and I completely agree with you. I hate it too.
I am sure its just me being out of it, but I have never heard of the phrase. None the less...you are right...too many people think they have it rough when they haven't experienced true pain...true loss...
No not preachy, but said perfectly! So many of us know a hurt that most don't and yet we are trying to find the positive and still live while missing our children...People who say this have NO clue....
Im glad you elaborated on the FML b/c I had no idea what it meant. Im not hip w/ the times anymore. Its one of the most stupidest phrases ever
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