I have clearly taken a bit of a blogging sabbatical. I don't think it was intended; in that time, I even met one of my dear baby loss mama friends (Christy) and her daughter Avery. I just have been caught up in life.
It has amazed me how much Alice has helped my heart. It will never be fully healed, I will always think of Madeleine and miss her terribly... But my heart tries to protect itself now. I still have occasional breakdowns, but my mind won't let me go there often, it resists. I know that isn't healthy, and it makes it harder when I do fully mourn, but sometimes it seems the only way to go on without curling up into a ball. I don't want Alice to suffer because I am damaged. I am already so protective, and that isn't fair to her. I want to do them both justice.
Grab My Button
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My Girls
Both of my girls
An Amazing List of Blogs
Maddie's Angel and Flowers
From JenJen
Maddie's Cupcake
from Calvin's Cupcakes
Maddie's Flower
from Say It With Flowers
Maddie's Name in the Sand
Maddie's Butterfly
Thanks, Bree!
7 comments:
Everyone needs a sabbatical!!!
We all need a little break....but it is nice to have you back!
xoxo
I had been missing you... And for the record, I think you are doing amazingly well for BOTH your girls...
I do the same thing. I want Caitlyn to know about her brother but then... I don't want to have to explain it to her while sobbing and making her feel like she won't ever be enough. I honestly don't know how long we will wait to have that conversation but I know it will happen one day.
Last year on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day I made a blog post about it and for the last week I saw a lot of traffic on that post. I wanted to acknowledge the day and make another post about Nicholas but I just didn't have it in me. It's too hard to relive it. And really, don't we have enough reminders? I don't need every dumbass on facebook reposting some shit about "they don't have a word for a parent who loses their child". Umm... YES THEY DO- it's called a PARENT. I saw that stupid shit so many times and it annoyed the crap out of me because no one who posted it had actually had a loss and they didn't understand the significance of the day at all. They just found this thing that sounded sort of poetic to them and posted it and I just wanted to tell them all the shut the fuck up. Also, I may have told one of them to shut the fuck up.
So sweet you met christy and avery! I dont write much either, just when I feel like im about to explode. Thinking of you and your girls xoxoxo
The balance of mourning and worrying about the effect that it has on our little ones is so delicate... your love for them both will see you through. Welcome back xoxo
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