As usual, I don't have a lot to post. I have been so busy/stressed at work that my brain just crashes when I get home, and I am uninspired. Plus, I get too excited to spend time with my family...
Let's see...
I don't write about Maddie much anymore. This isn't because I don't think about her, not even a little... But for a few reasons. It sometimes feels like I am forcing her on a world where everyone but me has forgotten. I know that isn't true, but it kind of is. And it isn't healthy to think of only the sadness all of the time. It isn't fair to Maddie for that to be her ONLY legacy. So, that explains that.
Alice is amazing. I mean that in the literal sense of the word, she amazes me. She is so sweet and precocious and funny and weird. My goodness, is she weird. It makes me laugh every day how she has such goofy habits and specific likes. She is 16 months, and obsessed with books, dolls, and purses. Her favorite word to say is, "Baby," and she wants to stick her fingers in everyone's belly buttons.
JTD is on the day shift now after working second shift for almost two years! He does IT at the local hospital, and got promoted. We effectively used to be two single parents, butnpw we are a married couple! I love it!
That is all I can think of, however tedious it might be!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
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2 comments:
I too feel like I force Jamie on everyone. I was just thinking today how much my Button has a special glow. As if he knows that he already has met the expectation of bringing us happiness is fulfilled and the rest of his life is to enjoy the fact that he does. Stinker...
I remember when my JJ was all about babys. He asked for one from Santa. Boy was he happy to see a baby doll under the tree!
We always seem to be on exactly the same wavelength. I was thinking about Nicholas the other day and I realized I never use his name anymore. If it comes up in any way I just say "I lost a baby". Not "I lost a son, his name was Nicholas". I guess I worry that now that I have a living child, people REALLY won't get it. Like he doesn't even exist to most people. It's weird. I even do this with Rodolfo. We pretty much never talk about it though. He doesn't like to think of it and get sad. But it makes me feel guilty because I know I'm walling myself off from the sadness, but also from the memories and I feel like I'm being unfair to him. I can always tell when its all creeped back up on me because I start to have daily freakouts and worry about irrational ways Caitlyn could die. I've been like that a few days now, so I really appreciate this post.
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