Not much new going on – just impatiently waiting for the cerclage on Monday. I’ll be in the hospital overnight, so I probably won’t be able to post any updates until at least Tuesday afternoon (maybe later). Every time I do anything that I deem bad in the meantime (stretch too far, lift a little bit too much, etc.), however, I’m taking special care to worry about obsessively, apparently.
I’m a little weirded out by the thought of staying in the L&D department overnight, in all honesty. I know it will be a very good thing, but it’s just a little odd to think about hearing babies crying all night. I can deal with (and am happy for) my pregnancy and those of others who have lost their children, but encountering random babies is still a little weird for me. I’m so very happy for the others, but it’s just a little strange still. (I just realized how horrible that sounds.) A pregnant friend who lost her son this summer and I were chatting last night about how you feel bad talking about the pregnancy with loss friends who aren’t pregnant, but non-loss friends are just a little too positive and flippant about everything. They’re so very sweet, but it’s so hard for anyone – even our husbands – to understand the worry that comes with a high risk pregnancy after a loss.
Wow, I hope this all didn’t make me sound like a bad person.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
17 comments:
I will be thinking of you this weekend and on Monday as well - and pretty much until you post an update letting us know that everything went well (as we know it will!)
Being in L & D when Quinn was born and died was awful, but the nurses were awesome and went out of their way to make sure that we were disturbed as little as possible and that we were tucked out-of-earshot from living babies.
And after Quinn, I don't think I will ever not be jealous of women who have a normal (and naive) pregnancy. I feel like such a witch for saying that, and I wish I didn't feel that way, but I do. I am very lucky that I was able to have that in my pregnancies with Cooper and Maren, and will NEVER, EVER forget that.
I definately agree. Friends who have never been through a loss, though mean well, just don't understand.
Are you going to be at the same L&D where you had Maddie? I actually enjoyed being back where I had Ella. Mostly because I adore the nurses and several of them remembered me and came to visit me. They were so sweet and excited for us and gave us extra TLC. I was lucky, I only heard the cries of a baby once or twice. Hoping it's that way for you too. If it's super tough, ask for an ambien. :) And, meditate on the fact that you'll be back there in five/six months delivering your living baby.
Fishsticks & Fireflies - you're so very sweet! It was very similar for us when Maddie was born - it sucked being in that department, but I can't imagine a more wonderful staff. I'm so glad that I am not abnormal in those feelings - I totally get that. You rock. :)
Bree - it's actually a different hospital (my local clinic doesn't have a peri, so we are going to a bigger city nearby). I'm not sure if I am glad about that or not. My husband recently started working at the hospital where we delivered Maddie, and he said it's a little hard - but they've redone the wing, so it's almost unrecognizable.
I'm sure you'll still get lots of love and TLC. xxoo
I'll be thinking about you on Monday, too.
I don't really talk about pregnancy with my non-loss friends (um, that's practically everyone). Their reactions always seem smug, like "I just KNOW everything will be ok with this one!" or they talk about how they are going to get pregnant in a few months and have a baby 9 months later. I can't deal with it.
I change the subject a lot.
Bree - I'm thinking so, too. :) They see that on your chart, and just know.
Cheryl - Wow, you put it perfectly. That's pretty much the exact reaction I have - just turn it to a different channel in the conversation. It's sweet and all, but "smug" is really the best word. You totally nailed it!
I hope Monday goes well. I'll be thinking of you.
I hope it's not difficult to be on the L&D floor. When I was still in the hospital, I asked to be moved to a different room because I couldn't the crying babies, even though Jillian was still alive. They moved me immediately and everyone was so understanding.
Thank you so much, Megan! And that's great advice - I may do just that same thing if it gets a little too weird.
I will be thinking of you and hope all goes well! I know everything will be good. I will be checking for your update on the cerclage. Thinking happy and good thoughts for you!! :)
It is hard...
I have to say that the cerclage surgery wasnt nearly as bad as I'd thought in my mind. It took about an hour and was painless thanks to the spinal. Afterwards, I did have some cramping and light bleeding, but it went away that week. I'll be saying a special prayer for you at church this weekend.
I totally understand how you are feeling. People who haven't been there really don't understand, and while you'd never wish this upon them, it is sometimes hard to take the naive and flippant comments. I knew they meant well and tried to just take it for what it really was intended as. :) Thinking of you--you will do great!!
I'll be thinking of you on Monday. Sending *hugs* your way.
You are right....those who haven't lost are too quick to be positive and think everything will be ok...we all know what can go wrong and aren't so quick to jump on the optimistic bandwagon.
jrose35 - that is just so sweet of you! Thank you - I'm keeping everything crossed! :)
Michele - that's the type of thing that helps a ton to hear. I keep kind of worrying about this. I'm used to surgery, but not anything like this!
Jim and Amy - you said it perfectly! You know it's well-intended, but it's still so hard to hear! Thank you so much! :)
Jess - EXACTLY. I don't want people to think I'm not appropriately excited (I'm thrilled), but it's just all so cautious.
I just wanted to let you know that you'll be in my thoughts this weekend and Monday. I'm praying it goes perfectly and with as little stress as possible.
I will be thinking of you and hoping all goes well, as I'm sure it will!
I lived in L&D for a long time - when I spent 8 weeks in the hospital, it was in L&D. Although they did move me into a new wing they opened for patients being monitored, I spent several weeks in the main L&D where women were birthing babies, and I never heard any babies crying. So I'm hoping that is the case for you - hopefully they will put you in a room that is far enough away where you won't have to deal with that.
Many prayers!
Sending you lots of good thoughts this morning!!!
You ladies are just amazing. Thank you so much - getting antsy to get this going!
Post a Comment