It's amazing how unique each day and feeling still seems when it's really all part of the same grief. I logically know that there is no order for grief, and that it's unique for every person, but I keep wondering how we're supposed to know how to do this? Where is the manual that says, "You're going to feel this way 6 weeks after your baby has died," "8 weeks after," etc.? Where is the book that tells us what the right thing to do is, and how to make this better? Where is the chapter that tells you when you're okay to try again?
I find that I have a lot of trouble actually saying the words "Maddie died." It's just two words, it should be so simple - but instead I say things like, "She's in Heaven," or "She passed on." There is too much harsh reality in those two words.
Physically - 6.5 Mentally - 7
Emotionally - 6.5 Spiritually - 8
Friday, September 18, 2009
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5 comments:
Oh Angie, we talked about the stages of grieving in our support group and how there is no manual and its just something we go through. Its kinda one of those "on the job" trainings and I think that is what makes it so hard. We try so hard to be in control and since we have lost our babies, everything now is out of our control. We feel powerless and don't know how to act so we live the best we can. We do the best we can and react the best we can hoping that it is good enough for everyone else because that is all we can or know how to do at the moment. *hugs* Thank you for last night. I think thats why I woke up in such a good mood....you let me yack your ear off. I owe you huge for that. :) Please let me know....anytime I am here.
I had a much better day today than yesterday, too - and I also think it was because of our talk. :) You do a heart good.
I am STILL waiting for my manual! Someone once told me that there is no linear movement through grief - it is a constant process moving in a circular motion . . . while you may pass through one stage and into another, you will never NOT go through it again. I still have weeks where I am really angry, and days where I am inconsolably sad.
The word 'dead' has such a finality to it . . . somehow using the term 'In Heaven' or 'Passed away' softens the reality of the situation - sparing both you and the person you are talking to.
I am glad to see that today was a little bit better, and hope that you have a peaceful weekend.
I find that you're exactly right - I feel like I've moved past a certain point in the grieving process, only to find myself right back there again the next day. I have this feeling it's always going to be like this?
You're right - part of the phrasing is to spare others, too. It's awfully hard for that to be how you introduce your child.
I hope that you have just a wonderful weekend, too. :)
I know what you mean about having trouble saying she died. When I do say it, it's like it shocks me. I don't think I've accepted it yet.
A manual sure would be nice...
Big hugs!!
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