I have only had a few dreams since Maddie was born with her physically present in them. I feel her presence and my mind refers to her (for lack of a better description) often, but there have only been a few. I had one last night, so I thought that I'd describe the three of them - saving the one I find most symbolic for last.
The first one was about a week and a half after I delivered Maddie. My milk was in and painful - it was a horrible reminder that I wanted to be feeding her. In the dream, I was breastfeeding her, and we were so happy. It was a very simple dream, but it felt so wonderful to be taking care of her.
In last night's dream, she and I were visiting my biological father for some reason. (He has some previous problems.) In the dream, Maddie was about 4, and he tried to go after her to hurt her. I was able to protect her; after I got rid of him, I just hugged and hugged and hugged my little girl. I couldn't see much of her face, but she had blonde, curly hair, and was just so delicate and pretty. I was so proud to be able to protect her, since I have felt since delivering her like I wasn't able to do so.
The last dream was a few weeks ago. When my mom remarried, she, my brother, my stepfather (who has been a father to us), and I moved to a farm near a very small town. We were only there for a short time, but we used to have to travel a gravel road to get home. In my dream, first I was crying over Maddie. Then, I was transported to the gravel road. It had changed so much - it had been overgrown with grass and wildflowers. It was so difficult to travel, but it was just beautiful all at the same time. As I rode my bike along it, I saw a beautiful butterfly traveling with me. I know that life is now a much bumpier, more difficult road than it was before, but it's so much more beautiful for having my little butterfly. As silly and sentimental as that metaphor may sound, I'm just so very blessed for that girl.
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I hope that two of my friends who are in labor right now with their little boy have a sweet and wonderful experience. It's incredibly difficult for me to know that they're getting what I wanted - exactly two months ago at this very moment, I was in labor with Maddie. I truly hope and pray for their health and the health of their little girl, however.
Physically - 6.5 Mentally - 7.5
Emotionally - 5.5 Spiritually - 6.5
Sunday, September 06, 2009
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3 comments:
Oh Angie, those dreams are beautiful. Maybe those dreams are a sign of what is to come. Is it possible that the babygirl you were breastfeeding is not Maddy, but another little girl? Maybe Maddy is sending you this dream? I often wonder if we really have a way of knowing what exactly we are dreaming about, but none the less all three dreams are beautiful. I have been thinking of you all day today and send you lots and lots of *hugs*. Call me if you need me. :)
I always love to remember the dreams that I have of the babies. Sometimes I know that I dreamed of them but dont remember. I'm just grateful to know that I was with them.
Jess - thank you. That's a beautiful thought. And thank you so very much - that means so much. :)
Michele - that's a great description. While I vividly remember these three dreams, so many mornings I wake up knowing that I was with Maddie in a dream, but just don't remember the details. Her presence is so important.
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