I try not to ever complain about this pregnancy. I worry, I fret, I stew - but I try not to complain about this amazing, wonderful blessing.
The truth is, there are some things that are rough, in all honesty. It's been 13 weeks and 4 days that I've been on bedrest/work restrictions. My legs have throbbed since about 2 weeks after the cerclage. My back feels horrible. I still have a ton of pressure and pain in my cervix, and every single one of these Braxton Hicks contractons terrifies me. I mourn Maddie, and am scared to be too excited for Jota.
However, then I think about some of the horrifying stories I've read, and how much worse than me people have it. My story isn't really that unique, it won't be remembered in medical journals or circles - I have lots of physical and emotional stuff going on related to this pregnancy and Maddie, but there are women who have endured so much worse. While my babies are remarkable, I really am not. I don't mean that in a self-depricating way, or like I'm looking for compliments - it's true. Thousands and thousands of women have done this, and that gives me hope. That keeps me from wallowing in the "poor me" syndrome to which I could easily fall prey.
I will happily do all of this and so very, very much more to keep Jota safe. I would give anything to have my family safe - I know that I can't do anything to bring Maddie back, but I can absolutely help Jota. I will do it, and rejoice for the opportunity.
Grab My Button
My Girls
Both of my girls
Maddie's Flower
from Say It With Flowers
Maddie's Name in the Sand
15 comments:
I think of you all the time, and I can't even imagine what it must be like to be on bedrest for that long!! You're doing amazing. I guess I think that we're all in our own struggles, and even though you're appreciative, that doesn't mean your road is easy to travel. Hugs....
I am sorry, it shouldn't be like this :( I think you have a reason to complain. ((hugs))
Cape Girl - Oh, sweetie, I think of you so often! I have such high hopes for you!! I am so grateful for your love and concern - I can't even say!
With Out My Punkin - you are just delightful, too. I love that you guys get this, and are so sympathetic. :). Hugs!
yes. yes. yes. totally, 100% understand and relate to what you're saying. xo
So very very true- not a day goes by when I don't think of people who have it so much worse than I do...
However, it is also very very true that infant loss is hell. It takes a very strong person to endure it, grow, and survive it. Bed rest is also hell- it makes the discomforts of pregnancy that much worse. And let's face it, no matter how much you long to be pregnant, and are grateful for a healthy pregnancy, and what you are willing to go through in order to keep that pregnancy- puking, back pain, braxton hicks etc etc etc are NOT FUN!!
As for the cerclage.... well... there's really only very few words I can say about it and none of them are appropriate for commenting on another's blog. (I don't call myself pottymouthmommy for nothing!!)
You deserve a huge kudos for enduring all you have and still being a wonderful person!!
I am so very proud of you! I was on hosp bedrest with an emergency stitch for 7 weeks and that drove me crazy enough!! I had my son at 25w.
You just have to keep telling yourself it's all worth it in the end!
I think about you often because I know I would have a hard time with bed rest. It will all be so worth it in the end though lady, I promise you that!
You guys are all just so awesome! I know you all know how I feel, and the worry and pain. Thank you just so, so much.
You are just an amazing woman. Keep on keeping on, my friend!!!
I did this same thing when I was pregnant with Briar, terrified that if I uttered even one syllable of a complaint people would judge me as being completely ungrateful for everything that I had. IT SUCKED. And I wasn't on any sort-of bedrest! I cannot imagine what it is like to have to deal with so many physical restrictions on top of all of the emotions that you are experiencing (which you are more than entitled to share/vent about!) Know that all of us know exactly how grateful you are for Baby J. and that you can share your complaints along with your gratitude without a bit of judgement!
Remember . . . TAKE OWNERSHIP OF THE SUCK!
I know what you mean! We'd go thru hell and back for them!
Bedrest is hard, but you are a superstar!!! You can do this!!!! You are doing great!!!
Angie, you are awesome!! You are going to be a wonderful mommy.
I know what you are saying. Every little twinge or sometimes lack of a twinge has me on the edge of my seat. If I could only have an ultrasound machine in my home anytime I wanted.
Angie, you are awesome!! You are going to be a wonderful mommy.
I know what you are saying. Every little twinge or sometimes lack of a twinge has me on the edge of my seat. If I could only have an ultrasound machine in my home anytime I wanted.
*hugs* Thinking of you and Jota.
Hi, Im Nan. Im not sure why I havent come across your blog before, as we have many of the same bloggie friends. But we have sooo much in common with our rainbow baby pregnancies, you echoed alot of the same feelings and words I feel. I am so sorry for your loss and I will pray for your angel in heaven and the little one tucked away safe with you. Hugs, Nan xxx
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