Sometimes I'm not incredibly eloquent. I don't know the best way to describe all of this, so I'll just say what comes to mind:
Holy crap.
It has, to say the least, been an "eventful" summer. Job loss in our household, the incredible loss of Maddie, and now my parents are divorcing. Despite all of this, my husband and I have three embryos frozen, and decided that we're going to do the FET as soon as possible (the fertility dr wanted to wait two cycles after our loss). I've been taking some Provera to accomplish this, since my PCOS is pretty severe and I never would get to two cycles on my own.
Well, to make an emotional week even bigger, today is Day 1 of the second cycle. I'll get my official calendar tomorrow or Friday, but we've tentatively got a Plan. (I need to capitalize "Plan" because that's how I operate - I need a goal, I need a next step, I need something tangible.) It's exciting and terrifying and sad - Maddie was due November 14. It's so hard to know if I'm ready to do this again in a few months - and if I'm ready for whatever the outcome will be.
We're going to keep this a lot closer to the vest this time. I think that there are only a few friends/family who we'll tell this time as we go through the process. It's just too hard - and I think that I need to only involve people who can support me as I need, who know that this baby (if it happens) will never be a replacement for Maddie.
This is totally off-topic, but I am in constant awe of what I have. My dear friends, the LFCA community, certain family members - it's been so incredible to have support that is watching out for me without me even asking. I'm so very touched.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Wow Angie...how funny....if I was on a perfect 28 day cycle today would be cycle day one for me, but we know better with PCOS so today is not cycle day one with no feelings of cycle day one coming on.
Second, I will be praying for you and Jon as you go through the conception process. I pray you will be successful and if you need me I will be here every step of the way. You guys have been through a lot in a short period of time and deserve so much happiness. I know you are an amazing person and I can imagine that Jon must be too. *hugs*
Jess, that's so strange! I hope that everything works out for you and that everything moves smoothly for you, too. I pray that we get what our hearts desire here - you and Mike deserve it, too. :)
I wish there was a manual for 'Life After Loss', complete with a section that discuses trying-to-conceive again. The decision to move forward is nearly impossible. I am beyond thankful that my husband and I had the luxery of just letting nature take its course and going with whatever the universe had planned for us. I cannot imagine how hard the decision to move forward is when it involves concrete decisions and planning (does that make any sense?!)
You will be in my thoughts as you move forward through this process.
That means so incredibly much to me. I think trying to decide how/when/if to do this is just overwhelming right now.
We TTC approx 3 cycles after our babies were born (this is our RE's policy). It was hard but it was also a beautiful time, where we talked about giving our babies siblings. It was well worth the pain and fear.
Sending warm thoughts...
Post a Comment