Since I can't say this in person, I need to say this here:
To my friend. I understand that you're upset about so-and-so saying blah blah blah to whomever about whatever. I know that I have listened to you talk a thousand times talk about this. But, I'll be honest with you. I don't care. I really don't. On The Giant List of Things I Care About, this clocks in somewhere around the 9 millions.
I'm not bitter or angry; I'm honestly glad that this is the biggest concern you have right now. That's a blessing, as much as it may not seem like it to you (and I truly don't want to minimize it). However, I still don't have the capacity to care right now. Right now I'm dealing with my parents breaking up. I'm trying to decide what to do with the frozen embryo transfer. I'm intensely grieving the loss of my daughter. I have a friend who is going through a horrible time in his marriage, and another who is struggling with personal issues. These are huge concerns to me, and I honestly just don't have it in me to give attention to this right now.
I hate that I can't be what you need - I am trying to be more giving and Christian, more generous for Maddie. I am still and will always be your friend, which is why I don't say this to you. However, please understand that I just truly cannot give this the attention that you deserve and want. My perspective on these things has changed so much, and this is not your fault. It's mine.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
I am so sorry. I suspect she is like most other people, secretely wondering when you are going to 'get over it' and give her the attention she demands. I admire you for being the bigger person and listening to her vent over and over again - too many times I have taken the low road and just walked away.
(And I meant to mention earlier . . . please don't ever, ever feel that you have to stop by my place and comment - I know you are in a difficult place right now and that seeing babies and kids can be so very hard on a broken heart.)
I think you're exactly right - it's probably the old "old habits die hard" thing. They don't understand that this is life-changing, and not just short-term.
You are such an amazing woman. I do admit that it's hard to see babies and kids, but I am also inspired that such good can come out of all of this. God bless you.
It's not your fault! Please don't feel guilty! You're the one who has changed in your friendship, but you didn't cause it.
It's strange how this can change your entire outlook on life.
Cheryl, thank you so very much. It's good to hear that it really isn't my fault. I still feel guilty for this new inability to be the friend I used to be, and I don't want to minimize anyone's feelings, you know?
Oh Angie, our lives are changed forever after the loss of our little ones. You are not at fault for changing as you literally went through a "life" changing experiance. If your friend can not accept that, maybe she should move on. That is my new attitude. Not sure that its right, but that is the way I am feeling these days. We don't necessarily want to change, but we have. Our friends need to understand that.
I'm with you, Jess - I don't know if it's right, but I know that this attitude is what is. It's what I need to do right now to function for me.
Post a Comment