Over the last several years of infertility treatments, as I've mentioned before, a lot of people have seen parts of me I'd rather not share. I don't just mean "a lot" - I mean a lot. Probably dozens. Having a high-risk pregnancy has ramped that up to the point where you kind of wake up every day knowing, "There's an outside chance a stranger is going to see my girl parts today."
After all of the panicking the last few days, I called my peri and left a message last night about the pains I've been having. Every time I hurt, I panic - yes, my total cervical length is over 4 cm (or was last week), but if I only have a half-centimeter on the outside... wouldn't that logically mean that the part on the outside is going to funnel to the stitch first? What happens then? I woke up this morning wondering if I was going to go down and get checked out sometime in the next few days (my next appointment isn't until next Tuesday, so I didn't know). The nurse called me back, though, and let me know that the pains I'm describing are probably pretty normal. Oh, well, that's great. But, as Michele from My Life After Loss just said (and she knows a thing or two about Shirodkar cerclages!), I have to just settle down and trust in the cerclage. It's there to do what it's supposed to do. Now I just have to breathe until next Tuesday.
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
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17 comments:
I bet it is hard to just relax and breath. I am wishing the best for you and that baby of yours!
I too have had my girly parts looked at by MANY strangers. It is such an awkward feeling at times. I don't think I will ever get used to that, but it almost seems natural in a way now.
Thank you so much, Jill!! You're right, I'm high-strung, but I SO appreciate the wishes!!
It's really funny how we just get used to, "Oh, I don't know you, but sure you can look!" :)
Oh honey... I know you are in agony with worry. Settling down isnt easy! But you are doing GREAT!!! No, better than GREAT!!!
Yes, the outside will funnel first. The good thing with the stitch though is that it can close! When I was admitted to the hospital, I had been funneled to the stitch for 3 weeks; then, on top of that, my cervix was open 1cm. After the inversion for a week, I was closed and had a cm of cervix. So, dont worry; things can change for the better.
Saying a prayer for you!
Michele, you are so awesome. Thanks for the pep talk - and it helps so much that you know all about this stuff. I keep thinking all of these things that I figure make sense... but I have no experience or clue! You make me feel so much better - and I need to just remember that they're keeping an eye on me! It's doing what it needs to do!
I have nothing to add in terms of the cerclage but I can help you with relaxing and breathing. I just learned today that I can totally control my blood pressure with deep breathing and clearing my mind! So take some deep breaths and really concentrate on relaxing. It's like a natural high! (I should probably add, though, that I read you shouldn't do this for more than 10 minutes because it could induce hallucination...I mean unless you want to hallucinate!)
You know, Rachel, that might not be a bad way to pass the time on bedrest! ;) That's awesome advice, though - I know how worried I get, which makes it worse. I just need to breathe!!!
I'm glad Michele could help you since she has experience in that area!!
She's awesome, isn't she, Holly? :)
Thinking of you! I know how scary this must all be, but hang in there! I have faith in your cerclage and in this baby!
That means so much, Heather! I just know how much I want this little one to stay tucked in there, and how much I assume he/she wants to, as well! :)
Oh, honey! I know it's tough to trust after all you've been through, but we're sending up mighty prayers that this little one is going to stay put as long as he/she needs to so he/she can make his/her appearance with perfect timing. Fear not....I have great faith Maddie is looking after her little brother or sister!
Sending great, huge hugs your way!
My sister was making fun on me bc I openly talk about my girly parts like I'm talking about my hair or my outfit. It doesn't really embarass me anymore.
I'm not sure if there's a lot of truth to this or not, or if I should be more worried, but my doctors are more concerned about the funneling from the inside rather than the outside. Let me be your example (hopefully), I'm in week 21- have complained of bad cramps daily since the cerclage and it hasn't changed my cervix (yet). I'm thinking our bodies just dislike this foreign body very much. Hang in there! We just got through one more day, right? <3
Ps. I need to go to Michelle's blog. Also, if you have an iPod, you can download meditations from iTunes.
Just catching up on your last few posts...It must be so hard to relax! Especially since you're just laying there and there's nothing to distract you. Downloading the meditations like Bree said sounds like a good idea! I'm thinking about you and the baby. Hugs, Hugs, Hugs!
All my love and happy thoughts coming your way! Just take lots of deep breaths... you WILL get through this!
Lynn - That is so sweet, and such a blessing! I'll take any prayers I can get, and I love to think that Maddie's watching out, too!
Bree - that helps a ton, sweetie. That makes sense to be worried about the funneling from the inside, since that's where the baby (and pressure) is. Definitely look up Michele's blog - she's amazing. :) I will get on those meditations - that's a great idea!
Cape Girl - you're such a sweetie! You're right, I just lie here all day (I'm working, but still), and all I do is worry. That's an awful lot of time to think.
S.I.F. - I love it, it's like my own personal cheer section! I'm doing some breathing right now!
I love the idea about the meditations. Going to do that for myself LOL.
Its so funny that I am so used to the girly parts being looked at that it doesn't phase me anymore LOL.
I bet its hard to relax. I am trying to think of things to help. *hugs*
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