My husband started a new job a little over four weeks ago, and is now working a really weird shift - 2-10 pm Monday through Thursday, and 6 am - 2 pm on Saturday. The job has been amazing, but it doesn't leave us a ton of time to see each other. With me being on bedrest, most of his time at home has been taking care of me.
Last night, however, I had a mini freak-out. Without getting into a ton of details (since I have guy friends who read the page), I have continued to have a few symptoms very occasionally that freak me out and convince me that the bed rest is for the best. Last night I had some symptoms and quite a lot of pressure/cramping - so I panicked, like any calm, rational woman would. I knew it wasn't contractions or anything, but I worry so much that I'm funneling past the cerclage on the outside (since it's so short).
Obviously, there wasn't much my husband could do to help from 15 miles away, but he talked me down off the ledge while I was on the phone with him. There's just absolutely nothing else I could do to make this go better - I'm eating everything right, resting, going to start the progesterone shots on Sunday, going to my appointments... I just can't control any of this. That's part of what's so terrifying, since I like to micromanage things, but I need to just trust God on this one.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
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15 comments:
I was on the phone with my doctor at 11pm last night with a freak out. You're so right. There's really nothing we can do on top of what we are already doing. Worrying doesn't change anything. But, it's so hard to breathe and relax. Remember, I'm 2 hours behind you- so you can always email, text, or call me. Hang tight!
You're so sweet, Bree!! That makes me feel a lot better - to know that my worry in the face of helplessness is normal! You're just amazing - and the offer goes both ways, for sure! :)
I'm so glad you have your husband to help - husbands can be so soothing to us women who are prone to freaking out! I'm not even pregnant yet, and I already freak out all the time about things. Like, what if the procedure doesn't work? What if after going through all of this, our baby still falls into that 3-5% category of having a birth defect? It's all so scary, and unfortunate that this is life now for all of us. This is normal to us...and that's NOT normal. I just hate it so much. I wish I could take all your worries away!
Heather - I totally get that! I worry about what happens if the baby IS born healthy, what if something's wrong, if I can't protect him/her from harm, etc. I am hoping that all goes well for you, too - I wish I could make it better for you, too!
I obviously don't need to tell you that I often have freak outs and I'm not even pregnant. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this though because I know how it feels. I HATE IT and I HATE IT for you also! I hope you'll call your doctor if you get too nervous/upset. I'm praying for you every day and I will now pray specifically for uneventful evenings (and days) and for peace. Philippians 4:6
{{HUGS}}
Sending hugs and support your way!
Rachel - that is just so incredibly sweet and inspiring. You made me smile with that - I know that you're also a worrier, but I think that's a great thing! It means that we are always on top of things!! Thank you so much for the verse - it's perfect!
Jill - I'll take all of both I can get! :)
I freak out at EVERY little thing with this rainbow baby pregnancy. I have been ready to go the ER and then thought...ok, what will I actually tell them when I get there? I wish I could get a control over it. Most of it happens at night, or when I'm alone. My mind goes wild and I am sure something is going wrong. The thing is, nothing was "wrong" with my first pregnancy (that I knew of) until it all went wrong.
I feel like I'm totally crazy!!!
p.s. I found your blog through Tina's and I have been lurking sometimes but wanting to comment and so I finally did :)
http://almostamother.blogspot.com
That's a tough shift to work and I wish you got to see more of each other! I think I would've freaked out too! I hope those symptoms go away
glad your husband was able to "talk you down" and offer you some comfort even from afar. i hope things get better soon. i am also a control freak. hopefully i do more letting go and letting God. ((hugs))
Gosh I want to hug you! The minor freak outs are normal and to be expected... It's OK to feel that way!
I'm so happy you have an understanding hubby to talk you down too! I really should get myself one of those! :)
You ladies are just so sweet - and you make me feel so much better about everything. I hate thinking, "Am I ragingly irrational?" You're all helping me to calm down!
Oh how this post brings back memories. Just try to relax. I know that sounds insane, but it was the best piece of advice my doc gave me. Not to scare you, but when I "felt" like I was shortening, it never failed that I did, like when I told m doc that "something changed" around 17 weeks. But, as he told me, those stitches are put in place to work. He was sure that no matter what, the stitch would hold.
Michele, you always make me feel so much better - and you know all about the Shirodkar and how it feels, so that makes me feel better! I just need to breathe in and out when I get worked up. You're just awesome! :)
Angie, *huge hugs* I can only imagine the freak-outs. I am always thinking and praying for you and Baby Jota. *huge hugs*
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