We were at 27 weeks and 2 days yesterday when I had my OB appointment. No ultrasound this week, just a manual exam. All was "long, closed, and tight." I was measuring at 28 weeks, even though I somehow lost two pounds last week? All of that good news hasn't necessarily stopped me from panicking today as she keeps kicking around/at/(hopefully not) in my cervix. I was so glad and grateful for another fantastic appointment, though.
I was on the way home and saw a mother pushing a stroller. I had such strong emotions in such a short time - I thought about how I pray and hope that we'll be able to push Jota around soon, but then thought about how I long to have that opportunity with Maddie. So often I'll wake up in the morning and think about how I'd love to be getting her out of her bassinet and having her lie in bed with me for a little bit before getting ready - since I can't, I talk to her urn and try to let her know how very much I love her. It's so hard - we only got to have her in our arms for such a brief time that sometimes it feels like I am crazy for longing to have her back there so much.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
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15 comments:
hugs, i think those same things every day when I see my boss and her baby.
but yay for a good dr's appt, Im so glad that things are going ok!
So glad for another great appointment! You are doing so great!!!!!
I look so longingly at strollers,too. It seems like such an ordinary thing-taking your child for a walk around the neighborhood-but I so desperately wish that I KNEW it was going to happen.
And then, of course, I think of the double stroller full of twins that I will never have, and I go right to where you did.
I'm happy to hear that your appt went well and things are looking good there!
I wish so much you could have that with Maddie.
Someone told me the other day that you first grieve the Maddie that you knew, and then you grieve the Maddie that you will never get to watch grow up. Each milestone becomes an ache in our hearts for what we will never have the opportunity to experience with them. And I think with that comes the longing and aching for them. xo
You guys are just amazing. I knew you would all understand that longing.
Jill - wow, that's exactly right. We mourn what we had, as well as what we never got to have. That is so beautiful.
Glad you had a good doctor appt :)
I totally get this....I was in acupuncture tonight and I was trying to imagine life with Clover, the nursery, holding and rocking clover,but then my focus shifted to Jonathan. *hugs* I will always wonder what those moments would have been like.
It's not crazy to want your baby with you...it doesn't matter how briefly we held them on earth...we'll always want them with us...
Yay for another great appointment!
You are not crazy at all. I think the fact that we only had our babies in our arms for a short time makes us want them even more.
I'm so glad you had such a great doctor visit!!
I'm so glad to hear you had a great appointment!!
I feel the same way whenever I see a baby.
Thinking about you, Jota and Maddie. Lots of love...XOXO
It isn't crazy at all to long for Maddie... You will probably always long for her like that, but you know what? She is going to have the most incredible little sister who you can tell all about her!
Ive had these exact exact exact same thoughts...and yes I get worried that I feel kicking on my cervix too. When I go into each appt, I am holding my breath, waiting for bad news, and then they say "you're doing great!" and then I only let out half the air I was holding, still resisitent to believe its ok because of how fast it went downhill with my girls. Anyhow, Im glad your appt went well, and I'll be praying for all of your babies. Thanks for your comment on my blog too (((HUGS))) Nan xxx
I'm always so happy to hear good cervix news from you!
And I'm thinking of you and Maddie and Jota. You have so much love in you!
Still keeping you in prayer. Hugs to you.
I wish they were all safely in our arms... hugs ad love...
Glad you have good cervix news! Thinking of you and Maddie ((hugs))
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