I am a member of a large message board community for pregnant women, mothers, etc. Right now, unfortunately, all of the groups to which I belong are related to pregnancy loss, trying to conceive after such a loss, and so on. I recently joined a group that is reserved for parents (mostly women) whose babies would be due in November of 2009. I had hoped it would be cathartic - I don't want to wallow in the loss of Maddie, but I was hoping that there would be help in reading about other women preparing for the same milestones (since I've found reading blogs and talking to others who have experienced loss so helpful).
It has not been as helpful as I hoped. I think a lot of the women in there may have experienced their losses earlier on than I lost Maddie, and are possibly further along in the grieving process. Almost all of the posts are about trying to conceive again, pictures of home pregnancy tests and ovulation predictor kits, all about trying again. I am also preparing for that process for us, but I find that I am just not in that place yet. I have hope for the future, but my heart is still with Maddie. And, honestly, the hope that I do have for the future is tempered - I can't put absolutely all of my hopes into expecting this frozen embryo transfer to work, simply because there is such a large chance that it won't work. I don't want to be broken again if it doesn't - I want to hope cautiously and then love ferociously if it does work.
Physically - 8 Mentally - 8.5
Emotionally - 6.5 Spiritually - 8.5
Friday, September 04, 2009
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7 comments:
Just remember. Every day is a new step in the process. Some days it is 2 steps forward, others it is 10 steps back. Be gentle with yourself.
Sending hugs...
That is actually so helpful - I keep thinking that I'm making this progress, and then make a few steps back. It helps to know that that's normal - there is so much uncertainty in everything!
In the days and weeks after Quinn's birth and death I was DESPERATE to find anyone who had had an experience similar to mine, and unfortunately wound-up finding much of what you have found. I always knew right away if I was having a good day or a bad day based on how many posts I could read before crying/cussing/throwing something. Michele is right - one step at a time, one foot in front of the other . . . even if on some days you are walking backwards instead of forwards.
Wow - you described it so perfectly. I know by people's comments and posts how I'm doing that particular day. You guys are amazing, and put it so perfectly and concisely - today is a little step back. That's normal, and it's okay.
The grieving process is going to be different for everyone and everyone moves at a different pace. *hugs* Make sure you move at a pace that is good for you.
love ferociously. I think you do now...for Maddie.
Its funny...i just had a conversation with nathan about my love for our children...a ferocious love. Interesting that we both chose the same term.
You're so right, Janette - I can say with 100% certainty that I love my little girl ferociously. I know how you feel the same about your two beauties.
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