I first wanted to thank people for their overwhelmingly sweet reactions to my post yesterday. I hope I didn't come off as complaining - I just don't want any other women receiving judgment, so I figured I'd be a jerk and be vocal about it. :)
Today is 21 weeks and 2 days, which obviously makes tomorrow 21 weeks 3 days. At this exact point in our pregnancy with Maddie, I was in the hospital in labor, waiting to deliver our beautiful little girl. (She would eventually come at 12:08 a.m.)
I don't know why, but I'm having a harder time with this than I did with her due date, or with most other things. I am so incredibly thrilled for this baby to be doing well (praying that continues to be true), but I feel a little like I'm betraying Maddie. As of 12:09 a.m.. tomorrow morning, I'll be more pregnant than I ever got to be with that wonderful, beautiful little girl. I pray that this pregnancy continues on for many, many more weeks, but I just feel bad for Maddie for some reason.
I know that this is entirely illogical. This pregnancy is a totally different pregnancy than Maddie's, and it in no way negates her. I logically know that today and tomorrow are not milestones that belong to anyone else, or even really matter - I just feel that little pang and pray for the happiness of the beautiful little girl that is while I hope and pray for the safety for the little girl to be.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
14 comments:
Doesn't it make you crazy to know that it is entirely illogical, yet it makes you so scared you can hardly breathe?
I am 23 wks 2 days, which puts me at tomorrow when I was in labor with the twins. Two weeks ago was when my water broke. I'm exactly two weeks apart from you! I guess I just wish I could let go of these numbers and dates, but I can't.
I'm wishing you strength to get through the next few days!!!!!!
Hugs to you!!!! :)
Christy - I knew you knew exactly what I was feeling! Yes, that's the perfect description - it's like I'm holding my breath through tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, too - and wishing you the same strength!
HUGS!
Becoming our most pregnant is a bittersweet moment...and, I wish there were some words that I could give you to take away your guilt on betraying Maddie but...I don't have them to give :( I still feel guilty at times when new moments pop up with Cooper...so, the guilt persists even when they arrive safe and sound...
Ugh, I sound like a buzz kill! I've walked your journey though and I'm just giving you my experiences...((hugs))
You're not a buzzkill at all!! It is so good to know that I'm not crazy for thinking these things, and for feeling this guilt for Maddie - and to know it's okay that it will always be there. That makes me feel better - so it truly isn't a buzzkill!! :)
You have every right to feel these emotions. There is a range of emotions that come along with pregnancy after loss and no one can say what that feels like. *hugs*
I know what you mean I went through those feelings a few weeks ago on the one-year anniversary of my D&C. I am so grateful for this healthy pregnancy and I know our babies in heaven always stay with us forever in our hearts. Sending you lots of hugs!
You are going to be in my thoughts All day tomorrow... ALL DAY.
You know I'm thinking of you every day, but I'll think of you even extra today. This is a huge milestone and you can be excited to get past it.
I remember when I hit my "most pregnant ever" day and it was right by my previous due date. I was so conflicted - should I be happy or sad? The happiness actually won, but I know that is what my little boy would have wanted.
I think Maddie would want you to be happy. You won't be negating her with your happiness. She is part of this baby, when you are happy about this one, you are happy about Maddie.
Sending you hugs!
I can completely understand why you feel the way you do. It's only natural to think that way.
I am praying for you and for little Jota!
I love you all - you're so amazing.
Thinking of you as you become more pregnant that you ever were. ((HUGS)) Thinking of you and you sweet Maddie, who has to be very proud of her strong mommy!
Thinking of you and sending you hugs and prayers.
I don't think it is illogical at all. I think we are all with you. It is so hard to feel like we aren't betraying our little ones. I struggle with that guilt every day!
I'm coming from S.I.F's community on BlogFrog and just read this, it was one of the first posts I read, and my eyes are tearing up. I haven't lost a child like you have, nor am I pregnant now, but I placed a child for adoption, and I have the same feelings about my future children. I hope that things were better than you expected, and I will be praying for a full and healthy pregnancy, and I will pray for your angel in heaven.
Post a Comment