I survived. I made it past the 21w3d mark. I have to admit - Monday was worse than yesterday was, because I kept thinking things like, "At this time with Maddie, I was just getting to the hospital." "At this time, she kicked me for the last time." When I woke up yesterday, everything was already past the 12:08 a.m. mark.
So, now I am more pregnant than I ever got to be with Maddie. I am so grateful for this opportunity and this little girl inside of me - I just want to give her everything I can. I worry so much that this won't happen for us, but I also worry about my abilities to be a mother. I want to be amazing. I don't want to do the things to this baby that made me hurt as a child. I spend a lot of time worrying that I'll be selfish, impatient, or angry - that I'll be unkind or act inconvenienced. I don't ever want to do that to my baby. I know no parent is perfect, but I just want to do this right. I want to give this baby the best of everything, as I try and give Maddie all of the love I have while she's in Heaven.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
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10 comments:
I have a feeling your little girl won't have to ever need for a thing in her life...you take it easy...don't worry now, you will have plenty of worrying to do when that babe turns 16 and starts asking to go out with her friends! ;)
Woohoo for reaching this milestone!
You are the sweetest thing ever. :) My husband keeps telling me that the simple fact that I'm worrying about this stuff means that I'm already a good mom... I hope that's the case! I am so glad to have women like you for role models!!
You? You are going to be an AMAZING mother to this little girl, just as you already are to Maddie. You are doing awesome - hang in there, Momma!
You WILL be amazing! The most amazing mother any child could ever hope for! I know that!
And I am so glad you got through that tough day.
I'm so sorry I've been unable to comment but I've certainly been thinking of you. I'm glad you made it through those rough days.
I think the thoughts and feelings you have are very normal. There will always be something, as a parent, that will cause you to worry. It just comes with the territory (if you're a good parent, that is). Try to dwell on all the positives today and be proud of this accomplishment!
Many hugs!!!
You are doing a wonderful job... And you will continue to do so... Thinking of you...
You are going to be a wonderful mother to this baby girl. You are a wonderful mother already!
You guys are so awesome. :) I get online after work, and again find support that I could never imagine. I just am sending hugs to each and every one of you.
Angie, you will be amazing. You love this child so much already and I am convinced that Jota will be pretty lucky to have such a wonderful mom. *hugs*
I'm so glad you made it past that point.
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