There isn’t a whole ton new to update today. I keep not wanting to read things into anything – the sore boobs could just be the progesterone shots and estrogen patches. It’s likely too early to be sore, anyway. I’ve had more dreams the last couple of nights (that was my first symptom with Maddie that I was pregnant – crazy dreams), but they haven’t been insane like the other ones were. It’s still just so early.
I found today that coming to work and getting off of bedrest (which I had extended through Sunday on my own just to be careful) scared me to death. This weekend was hard in regards to thinking about Maddie – thinking about doing this all the first time, how much I miss her, thinking of how uncertain this all is. Coming off of bedrest was terrifying, as I just want to do anything I humanly can to make this work. I used to be a little bit of a control freak (probably an understatement), but after what happened with Maddie, I’d gotten over thinking that I can control anything – but I still have this urge to try. This poor baby – if this works, I hope I’m not crazy-protective (well, at least not more than I was already going to be)!
Monday, November 09, 2009
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8 comments:
Its so wierd, you can't help but wonder what is going on in there and looking for symptoms. *hugs* I am praying for you.
I can imagine the whole over protective thing. Its hard not to feel that way after the loss of our babies. *hugs
Jess - you're exactly right, I keep wanting to see something where I know nothing can be yet. And I don't want to get too worked up, in case this doesn't work.
Hugs to you during this fun time! :)
I don't think the urge to try to control everything will ever go away - it just doesn't. And the symptom game . . . ugh. I don't think I have ever walked around cupping my boobs as much as I did in the 2WW with Briar.
You're exactly right, F&F - it's too much a part of who we are, of what we want to do to fix this all.
You just killed me about the boob-cupping - I feel like I've never been so aware of my chest! I remember being sore fairly early with Maddie, but I didn't know what pregnancy felt like back then!
It's funny, because even though we are definitely not trying right now, especially because of the risk involved with doing so, I STILL find myself analyzing everything now that I'm in my luteal phase. I think deep down I'm hoping for a surprise baby and that everything would just be ok.
Btw, thank you so much for the information you posted on my blog about IVF. I am going to check out that book. I also have made a few inquiries into some local clinics. I'm sure I'll have lots of questions for you!
Oh, Heather, I totally understand - and please let me know if it's at all painful for you when I talk about this stuff. I understand completely - our doctor told us we could try naturally about a month after I had Maddie. I took temps, OPK's... all of it knowing I wasn't going to ovulate because of the PCOS. I just had this hope that it would work...
I truly hope that it's helpful! PLEASE let me know if you have any questions at all!
Oh Angie, you are so kind. It doesn't bother me at all to read about you or Jess on your TTC journeys. You deserve it so much and I know how much you have been through.
I'm sure I will be emailing you about things soon. It really does help to have a plan...
You are too sweet, Heather. I truly mean it - you are so kind-hearted. Honestly, it's still really hard for me to think about TTC four months out, which is part of the reason I've kept it quiet amongst friends/family. It's just hard - you're such a sweetie.
Please do. If you don't have my e-mail address already, let me know. :) I'm here anytime - and compulsive about checking e-mail!
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